Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Wedding Content - Read at Your Own Peril

We made the decision early on to have a small wedding. We failed. Biker Boy's immediate family alone numbers more than I wanted to have. So we're having a medium-ish wedding. We sent out 65 invitations (which numbers about 120ish). We're hoping for a turnout of 75-100. RSVPs are trickling in and we should have a firm count in the next couple of weeks. (And, as a sidenote, can I just say that the excitement of so much mail every single day is FANTASTIC?)

So, the invitations went out to immediate family members, aunts and uncles, and friends (our guest list is actually divided up into Biker Boy's friends, NGS's friends, and our Minneapolis friends). We did not invite cousins because it would practically double our guest list. We did not invite children of friends because then we would have been overrun by small children. I adore children, but it seems to me that in recent years I have been to a number of weddings where kids sort of ran amok at weddings. Plus, parents can't really have fun when they have to watch their kids. I want people to have a good time. Plus, our wedding is an evening wedding. Hopefully these children have bedtimes that are way before we plan on our event ending. So there you have it. My reasoning.

Okay, we even shelled out the extra bucks for an inner envelope so that we could specifically write every single person's name on the envelope who was invited. We spent hours practicing having conversations with people about how they couldn't bring their kids. We spent hours over Christmas finessing Biker Boy's family about a certain small child. This was a big freaking deal and we did everything we could to make sure people knew before the invitations arrived what was what.

So, I'm sure you can guess what happened. We got back an RSVP card that included children. It was one of MY relatives, of course, so I had to write the email explaining all of the no kids, no cousins, doubling the guest list, blah, blah, blah crap. I took the blame, apologizing for any miscommunication (even though it was CLEARLY communicated in my humble opinion). And got a badly punctuated email in return, basically saying that the parents weren't going to come then, either.

And, I'm going to be honest, I was hurt. I was a little mad, but mostly I was hurt that they would be angry with me when they were the ones who disregarded what the invitation actually said and then had the gall to act like I was the one being rude by pointing out that they were in the wrong.

After scouring message boards to make sure I wasn't being silly and overreacting (I mean, we spent A LOT of time and money making sure the invitations were just so to avoid having to have these tense discussions), I realized that I had to let it go. They aren't going to come, they'll probably hold a grudge for a long time about me not wanting their kids to come, and family gatherings will take on a tense air.

So, what's with this? Why do people not realize that there are some places to which their children shouldn't be? Why are people so rude as to ignore basic etiquette? Could we have been clearer in some way? Blech.

I'm a bit stressed out about this. (And stressed about the hotel that keeps telling our guests that the block is full. Okay, so add some more fucking rooms to the block. The hotel is empty that weekend except for our wedding. Blech. The sales and catering manager and I are going around and around about this. See, it's my responsibility to make sure there are enough rooms available. But the web site that they promised me would let me check on my rooms regularly doesn't work and they know it doesn't work. So how can I check? Good question. But it's my responsibility. Until I go to that hotel on Friday afternoon and kick some sales and catering manager ass.)

So, if you've been wondering what I've been doing for the last week, I think you can guess. Carefully worded emails with terse emails written in response. Carefully worded voice mails with incompetence in response. Oh, plus I have these pesky jobs and somehow I need to sleep. And read me some JD Robb.


  1. mmmmwa. i don't like people holding grudges over wedding invites. i'm never offended when people don't invite me, because I would personally also prefer a wedding part of no more that 6 people (that is, if i was to get married). plus, these things are expensive!

    that said, i can also imagine that people with kids wont be able to come (especially if they live far away and have to leave them over night). i know i probably wouldn't either (that is, if i had kids) so i wouldn't be too offended about that either.

    wow, that was a particularly pedantic comment from me. sorry"

  2. If people have kids and they can't bear to be away from their precious ones for a night, then they should send their regrets. Not add their children to the RSVP. That's all I'm saying.

    And, in the case of the relatives who did this, one of their children has graduated from high school and the other is at least thirteen. They can definitely be left home alone.

  3. true dat ngs. totally.

    (don't you hate it when people use the phrase 'true dat'? sorry)

    not to triviaze it but this kind of dillemma reminds me a bit like that sex in the city episode with the shoes...

  4. (where carrie was totally right, by the way)

  5. Our solution was to have our wedding so far away from everyone that everyone had to fly out, reserve lodgings, etc. Definitely had an impact on the number of kids in attendance (zero) as well as keeping the total headcount down.

    Just think of all the toasters you'll be getting (hold out for the Dualit).

    My instinct would be let em bring the kids, just don't expect any provision to be made for them!

  6. :) EH! I have kids, but totally would look for an opportunity to get a break and go to a freeking awesome wedding and dance my booty off without them!!! :D

    Sorry that parents are giving parenting a bad name!!! I had the same thing happen when I got married EONS ago!!!

    Everyone will find something to complain about...let em ran, let em rave.

    End of the day, you'll still be married to your best friend...and a few years from now, no one will remember!

    I PROMISE!!!

    (I can't even remember who we had at our wedding! LOL :D)

  7. lexlew5/05/2008

    Aunt NGS, I'm not mad that I'm not coming to your wedding. I'm staying at the hotel, though, so you can come eat my chubby cheeks. I draw the line at putting soy sauce on them, though. A man's gotta have his limits.


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