Random Stuff

So here are some thoughts.

Spitting. Gross.

I lost my hat that matches my winter coat perfectly. I sigh over its disappearance and wander downtown to buy a new winter hat. Alas, they have stuff out for spring and there are no winter hats to be found. That's right. Target, Marshalls, and Gap. They all let me down. I was able to buy BB a fun CD at Target, though. Meanwhile, there's dorky Neurotic Grad Student wearing her hood. Peripheral vision not included.

My roommate's boyfriend. Arrogant, pompous bastard. I hate, hate, hate him. The fact that my roommate won't pay the gas bill. Bitchy. The fact that I can't stop thinking about how much I hate the arrogant pompous bastard for making her bitchy. Twice as bitchy. I am twice as bitchy as she is because I won't let up on how bitchy she is. And I know, know, know it.

My cell phone "ring" is Edwin Starr's "War." What IS it good for?

It's my bestest friend's birthday on Wednesday. I definitely need to call her. And get a card in the mail TONIGHT. Whoops. I missed another birthday, too. I am a bad, bad friend who forgets to send my friends birthday cards.

Oh, and one last story of coincidence. Last month BB and I went to Connecticut to go to a wedding. Well, we met one of my friends from undergrad who currently lives in Boston in Wooster, MA because it was fairly close to being halfway between where we were and where they were. BB and I got there before our friends and we were in charge of finding someplace to eat. Well, Wooster is kind of industrial. The first place we come upon to eat is Friendly's (a sort of Denny's-type greasy spoon that specializes in desserts - yummy, ice cream!!). So we meet my friends at Friendly's in Wooster. We eat, we tell stories, blah, blah, blah.

This becomes important when, last week, I go to listen to a speaker. I think he's going to be interesting. The author of this book entitled, "Spirit and Flesh: Life in a Fundamentalist Baptist Church" (http://www.jamesault.com/) comes to speak at school. And I went. And it wasn't nearly as interesting as it had potential to be, so don't fall for it and think it's interesting. The most interesting thing was when Ault told us that he was following the pastor around and one of the things that they had to do was meet a parishoner at the Friendly's in Wooster, Massachusetts. Okay, that's when I leaned over to the girl sitting next to me and whispered that I had been there, to that exact Friendly's, the previous month. Oh, yeah. I rule the world. But then I left the talk early because it was lame and the Friendly's thing was the coolest thing at all that happened.

And that's that. I have nothing to pull all this together. I am doing my best to stay sane as I study for my methods prelim.

Done.

No More Being Sick

We tell our GMAT students that if an answer in the grammar section has the word "being" in it, it is automatically incorrect and you can eliminate it. So I eliminate my title because I said being. Actually, I'm still sick, but I'm not allowing myself to talk about it anymore. Except to tell you that a few days ago I had a doctor's appointment and he gave me this cough medicine with codeine in it, bascially cuz I need a pain reliever to sleep, damn this rib. I've never had codeine before and everyone told me it would knock me out and I would love it. But I DIDN'T LOVE it. I was so paranoid I was going to not hear the alarm clock go off in the morning because I'd be so knocked out, I woke up EVERY HOUR. And my side hurt the whole damn time. So now I'm scared of the stuff. Oh, and the reason this is a funny story? I HAD NO REASON TO GET UP THAT MORNING. I didn't have class until 2:15. I could have slept until noon with NO CONSEQUENCES. Stupid me. Okay, so here's really why I'm writing. I have, since moving to Minneapolis, become a lot better about personal safety issues. And, by that, I mean I'm not super paranoid that everyone at the bus shelter is going to try to rape and/or mug me. Bus rides are now almost pleasant, because instead of fearing everyone on the bus, I am amused by them and take great pleasure in people-watching. The old black man with the orange beard...how did his beard get orange? WHere is he going? The guy at the bus shelter who asked me what time it was in a Jamaican accent? Why the hell is he in the coldest place ever and not back at his tropical island? The woman with a baby in a stroller and two other little kids with her? Hasn't she ever heard of the two children per one adult rule? But today I felt like I was in the middle of a social science experiment. Maybe I'm paranoid because I'm TAing for this experimental methods class, but really. This guy was yelling at another guy at the bus shelter. And I felt like it was one of those experiments where someone yells help and no one does anything. The shelter was way crowded. And none of us said anything. And then on the bus the yelling continued. And no one said anything. I was scared, but more because I didn't know what to do then because I thought that the guy would hurt me. He was threatening to beat the guy up. Should I have called the police? Was it any of my business? And did it make a difference to me that it was a guy yelling at a guy? I mean, no question, if it were a guy yelling at a woman or a child, I would stepped in. Or would I have? Why do I have this strange double standard? Okay, that's all. Oh, no, that's not all. Last week was Date Night and we were going to celebrate Valentine's Day then, and we did, but by celebrate, I mean Biker Boy did all the work and all I did was show up. Because I was too busy being sick. He cooked me dinner and gave me presents and make me feel like I was worthy, except for the part where I didn't reciprocate. But this week I feel better. So I just went to our local co-op and spent tons of money on gluten-free baking supplies and I'm going to make him gluten-free desserts and then I'll always have these gluten-free supplies, so I can make him desserts whenever I want to. And I'm going to get up early tomorrow and go to the florist and get him flowers and a card and a stuffed snake. I don't know why the snake, exactly, but I want a snake. And the parking lot at our local co-op. It's so not user friendly. I used to be scared of it. Now I'm just annoyed with it. So take that, local co-op with bad labor practices. So no more being sick and from now on I will not mention it again. Unless the doctor tells me that I am dead. Then I might mention it once again.

P-neumonia

Yep. I have p-neumonia. That's what my bestest friend calls it. And a cracked rib. Because what could be better than pneumonia than a cracked rib. It hurts. I'm on all kinds of meds. So this is what happens when one gets really sick. You get lots of sympathy, but the sympathy doesn't make the work get done. Weird. I talked to our Director of Graduate Studies and he is moving my prelim date back a week. Which is good, because I need an extra week, but bad, because this means NO SPRING BREAK for me. And I was planning on road tripping it with Biker Boy that week, but we promised we'd do it at the start of the summer instead. Oh, did I mention the incredible appetite. When I first started the antibiotic, it made me ill. Like I was going to puke the whole time. But now that I'm finished with the antibiotic, I eat EVERYTHING. Yum yum yum. Leftovers from mid-January? What could be better? Four danishes? Yes. Right now. Feed the monster. Big John is making me a pot. I want the whiter glaze. That's actually funny to me, but to Big John, it just emphasizes that I am the whitest white person in Minnesota, the whitest white state ever. Pneumonia sucks.

Observations

Why don't people learn that you walk on the right? There are two sides of a hallway. If everyone walked on the right, foot traffic could travel in either direction without obstruction. Likewise, walk on the right side of the stairway. It just makes such perfect sense. Alas, people at a state university cannot seem to understand this.

In court today, this guy was up for sentencing. He had beaten his girlfriend at a SuperAmerica gas station in FRONT OF THE CAMERAS and there was a witness (the clerk) and visible evidence of his disturbing behavior (including a broken glass door that SuperAmerica had to replace to the sum of $620). But what do you think his sentence was? That's right. A year and a day stayed sentence. He gets to go on probation for three years. Yay.

The quarter machine at the library could be the loudest machine ever. Or at least ever in a library. It was quite loud. At a place where you're supposed to be shhhhhhhhh.

The Kleenex with lotion doesn't seem to be any different than the Kleenex without lotion. My nose can't tell the difference, anyway.

Can you take aspirin with Robitussin? I discussed this today at school. I want the cough suppressing, expectorating benefits of Robitussin combined with the pain relief of aspirin. Did you know that if you cough enough, your back AND chest start to hurt with a pain that is so unbearable you are no longer able to slouch OR sit up straight without being in agony?

Peanut butter rocks.

Words as Weapons

There are times when you just want to give up. I have this prelim coming up in FIVE weeks that I haven't started studying for yet and my roommate decides this is the time to be a bitch. It's like life is just starting to overwhelm me. I have to come up with a working oral committee and no one in this department is interested in my work and do I really have work? What is it I do?

But I'm in a much better place than I was a year ago. I feel like this will pass. I will get through it. And when I do, I will be happier and life will seem easier.

The problem is that some of the things she says strike close to home. I end up wondering if she's right about all the horrible things she says about me. I am a difficult person. I shut down when things aren't going well. I saw avoiding discussing certain situations as avoiding confrontation. That's a good thing. She sees me as being uncommunicative and childish. That's a bad thing. I see all of this as being concerned for my friend. She was taking actions that seemed contrary to who she is a person. I was (AM) concerned for her, emotionally and physically. I see it as a good thing that I care about other people. She sees it that I don't want her to be happy and that's why I'm always criticizing her. Why don't I want her to be happy? Because I think being a friend is taking care of someone and if my friends are happy, I can't take care of them. That's a bad thing.

She was my friend. And it's hard to see what the point of all of this is. Someday will I look back and laugh at our behavior? Or will I always be sad that a friendship had to end so brutally and with so many tears and unfounded accusations? I feel right now that the words she said that I want my friends to be unhappy will be seared into my heart for the rest of my life. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget that. Maybe the point is that I will change my behavior and do what I have to do to make sure that my friends know that I want them to be happy. I do. I want everyone to be happy, to do whatever they need to be happy, be with whoever they need to be with, and live however they need to live. In her case, apparently this means that for her to be happy she needs to be away from me. Because I'm childish and difficult. Enough of that. I hope I've learned some lessons from this, but now it seems to close to the surface to figure out what that lesson is.

I can definitively say, however, that Biker Boy has been terrific through all of this and he's a wonderful boyfriend and I hope he sticks around for a long, long time.

I learned one of my friends from Michigan is having a baby boy soon!! They did an ultrasound and found out the baby's sex a couple of days ago. Yay for being able to go baby clothes shopping!!! Is there anything better than wandering around the baby section of a department store? (Okay, the answer is yes and it involves candles and condoms, but just work with me here.)