Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Home sweet home

There's something so ironic about the title of this post. I have the flu. It's the tail end of the flu; I was able to go to school today for about three hours before I gave up the ghost and headed home for a nap, so I'm getting better. But, sadly, this means today was the first day I'd left my apartment in almost five days. I've sat in my apartment (or slept, rather) for five days straights. This wreaks havoc when you are exactly one week into the semester and already really behind.

And yesterday, my roommate sent me an email saying she wanted to move out. No nicieties, just that she wanted to move out. Great. She'll find a roommate. I get to live with a stranger.

We used to be good friends. Close friends who told each other everything. But now, now, she sends me an EMAIL saying she wants to move out. Like I'm not even good enough for a phone call. That's great. It's hard when someone you are close to turns their backs on you. I can't describe how much it hurts me. I still care about her deeply and I'm very worried about her and her behavior. I'm worried about how much she must anguish over this.

But I'm also very concerned about what this means about me. Of course I am. Because I'm all about me. But, really. There are two problems at issue. One, am I really that unreasonable? I've never had a problem living with someone before. Maybe this request that her boyfriend not spend EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY HERE is unreasonable. Second, am I the worst judge of character ever? This is a person I cried to, cried with, laughed with, ate ice cream late at night with, grocery shopped with, hiked with, walked with, ate with, spent countless hours with...and yet it appears as if our relationship is worthless. Or at least fairly unimportant to her. And that means I seriously misjudged what kind of person she was.

Where does this leave me? A sick person, coughing so hard so often that my stomach hurts, showing a person my apartment. You figure out if that's reasonable or not.

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