Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy by Chris Duffy

I did a self-reflection and realized it is March, which is smack dab in the middle of the February - March - April run that is, in my humble opinion, the absolute nadir of the calendar year. We're still in winter. Despite the increase in sunlight in the evenings, I'm still mostly outside in the dark. I am exhausted. There is no end in sight. In January, I am still running high on the holiday season and am confident I can persevere through winter. By February, I can tell myself that spring is around the corner. But by March, I have to admit that spring is still months away, I am cold and will never be warm again, and I hate spring anyway because it's unpredictable and muddy and not that warm anyway. For those of you who do not suffer from season affective disorder, I am eternally jealous. 

Anyway, friends, I'm doing all the things. I'm exercising. I'm initiating intimacy. I'm finding gratitude. I'm going outside. I'm putting my cell phone in the other room at meals. I'm meditating. 

But I still can't be bothered to do anything besides what I absolutely have to do. Respond to personal emails? That's not 100% necessary. Vacuum the rugs? They'll still be covered in fur next week. Wash my hair? Surely that can wait for another day. 

So I was relistening to episodes of You're the Expert, an excellent, now-defunct podcast hosted by Chris Duffy, a man who I think is hilarious, and one of the inserted ads in the podcast was for his new book, Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy. I decided that I needed something to help me get through this slog of seasonally dependent ennui. And if Chris Duffy can tell me what that something is, I'm on board. 

This book is about developing your own personal sense of humor and using it to get through difficult times. He has three pillars - be present, laugh at yourself, and take social risks. In this book, he walks through those three pillars and gives a list of homework at the end of each chapter to practice. 

This book was joyful and fun and made me feel like I can conquer the winter blues. 

I'm not going to tell you about all the homework he gave you, but here are three things I'm implementing immediately in the hopes that it will help me make it through May. 

1) Embrace a new bathroom state of mind: In your own bathroom, you know what's there and how it's set-up and you just sort of take it for granted. But when  you go to a new bathroom, you notice all the things. Oh, these towels are so soft. This toilet paper is great! Look at how pretty that sink is. I like how they have a 3D printed cat toothpaste dispenser. Have this same state of mind with your ordinary life.  Look at your bathroom with new eyes. Try to notice something on your everyday commute. 

2) Notice what you think is funny. Track it. I have started just jotting down in my notes app on my phone when I laugh during the day. What made me laugh on Friday, you ask?

• Getting a rejection email for a job I applied to in 2023
• Hannah getting very tangled up in her leash while attempting to chew a stick and roll around in the grass
• Mentions of Uncle Kracker and tall bikes, things I hadn't thought about in years
• These funny Stuf of Doom Oreos at the grocery store

3) Talk to strangers. I mean, I already do talk to strangers pretty frequently. But now I'm making more of an effort to. 

If this goes well, maybe I'll have an occasionally blog series in which I write about things that make me laugh. 

Anyway, I found this book hopeful and full of joy. I hope Chris Duffy knows he's doing good work that is keeping this Midwestern lady going. 5/5 stars

Lines of note:

Seeking out humor in a situation doesn't mean denying the uncomfortable or unfunny aspects of reality. Far from it. This is where humor differs crucially from so-called toxic positivity, the pressure to put on a happy face no matter the circumstances. It isn't about finding the silver lining in every cloud. It's about acknowledging the clouds. "I cannot believe how many fucking clouds there are! It's like the sky is JUST CLOUDS!" Humor is a way of addressing reality while shifting our relationship to it. It reverse-engineers despair into hope. (page 10-11)

I like that Duffy addressed toxic positivity. I worry a lot that if I focus on the good and being grateful, etc., I will come off as one of those people who is in denial about (gestures dramatically) the world of 2026. 

Researchers discovered that when you're willing to laugh at your flaws, other people view those flaws as less important than if you'd addressed them more dryly. The study found that "job candidates who revealed their limited math ability in a humorous manner ('I can add and subtract, but geometry is where I draw the line') were perceived as better able to do math than those who disclosed the information in a serious manner ('I can add and subtract, but I struggle with geometry'). (page 52)

STORY TIME!!

We are currently interviewing people for a position on campus and I'm on the hiring committee. I'm being purposefully vague because the form you have to sign literally says "the search committee's findings must be held confidential for eternity," which seems crazy and like it might not hold up in court, but I'm not going to give any confidential information away.

Our first round was a screening round via Webex and it's so stiff and weird and formal and the candidates are so nervous. There was this one woman I was rooting for (I cannot tell you why until the end of eternity), but the start of her interview was rocky. I was supposed to introduce myself and ask the second question, but I sort of forgot the "introduce myself" part until I was halfway through the question! So I stopped and said, "oh no! you don't know me yet!" and introduced myself and everyone on the call started laughing, including the candidate. Then I asked the question and we moved on. And everyone FUCKING RELAXED A LITTLE. 

So I started making snarky comments before I asked my question and it helped the candidates a little bit because they could see I was on their side. I mean, interviewing is so stressful and it sucks and I was just trying to get them to loosen up. My boss mentioned that it was fun having me on the calls for these interviews and I took that as a huge compliment. 

In one hilarious experiment, [Timothy] Wilson asked study subjects to sit alone in a room with their thoughts for fifteen minutes. "The team left participants alone in a lab room in which they could push a button and shock themselves if they wanted to. The results were startling: Even though all participants had previously stated that they would pay money to avoid being shocked with electricity, 67% of men and 25% of women chose to inflict it on themselves rather than just sit there quietly and think." (page 60)

Who are you people who wouldn't take fifteen minutes for a nap?!?! MORE THAN HALF OF THE PEOPLE SHOCKED THEMSELVES. Dude. You could just do some yoga or sleep? I found this SHOCKING (ha ha ha - pun absolutely intended) and it was almost as dumbfounding to me as Donald Trump winning a second term. 

A ton of behavioral science backs up the idea that taking social risks leads to positive results. Among the many studies, hardly any make people quite as skeptical as the one that found talking to a stranger on the train or bus would improve the quality of their day. A typical reaction goes something like "Maybe that works for some people, but not on the buses I take."

In fact, the University of Chicago team that conducted the study found that "those who talked to strangers reported a significantly happier ride than those who kept to themselves - even though a survey of a separate group of commuters predicted the opposite." (page 74)

Okay, but I think we can all agree that talking to people on planes is crazy, right?

Hat mentions (why hats?):

If you're at the mall, a nine-year-old might try on the largest hat she can find. (page 83)

...wore a big cowboy hat to school every day? (page 114)

...put on a fun hat and take a self of us. (page 133)

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What is something that made you laugh out loud recently?