The bride and groom have been very quiet about this wedding. We never even received a save the date and the invitation came with very limited information, but there was a link to a wedding website!
Okay, I thought this would have solved all my problems, but it absolutely has not.
Conundrum #1
Here's what it say about the dress code:
The bride will be wearing a wedding dress and the groom will wear a suit, but we'd love for you to wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and festive. Dresses, suits, and ties are all optional. If you prefer a bit of inspiration, think coast, garden, and sunshine. Plan to walk briefly on moderately uneven ground, grass, and dirt trail, and know that you'll be standing for the entirety of the ceremony.
We recommend bringing layers, as temperatures can range from the low 50s to high 70s during summer.
What does that mean I should wear?
I've googled the locations and literally cannot find the ceremony site, but I think it's literally a meadow. The place for the reception is a cute restaurant with a giant outdoor eating area. It sounds like we will be outdoors for all of it.
1) Dr. BB is probably going to wear a linen suit.
2)The ceremony is at 4pm and the dinner is from 6-9pm. Both will be held outdoors.
3) Should I just wear a regular cotton dress and bringing a cardigan or scarf?
4) Can I just wear my every day sandals? Because of my dicey leg, I am not great at heels on level surfaces, let alone uneven ground. Normal sandals doesn't seem very celebratory and wedding-y. I do not want to be hobbled, though. My bad leg sometimes does bad leg things.
Conundrum #2
The registry has six items on it and then a contribution to a honeymoon fund. I suspect the meager registry items were put there for elderly relatives who would complain about just handing over cash, but I fear that I AM an elderly non-relative who is cranky about just handing over cash.
Should I just suck it up and donate to the honeymoon fund (*sigh* *eyeroll* *unhappy face*) or be a jerk and purchase one of the registry items?
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Okay, sound away. What do I do here?
Wear a regular dress and bring a sweater. Be comfortable! I like the description given by the couple. Very realistic expectations seeing as they're getting married in a meadow!
ReplyDeleteWear shoes that work for your feet. (My daughters wore nice clean sneakers to their sisters wedding and no one cared. ) Esp if you are walking over a meadow.
Buy something from the registry. They'll use it. I'm not a fan of honeymoon funds - people should plan what they can afford. (grumpy old lady here. ) It's different if you want to give them money. For example, my other daughter got money for her marriage gifts because she was finishing up med school and would be moving and didn't want stuff. No one was required to give - only if they wanted to. She accepted good wishes happily as well.
This sounds like a lovely, easygoing wedding. Be yourself and have a good time!
Oh yes! I totally forgot this! Pairing a cute dress -- even a fancy dress -- with sneakers is all the rage. Every bar/bat mitzvah is full of sneakers and nary a heel. My (very stylish) friend even wore sneakers to her son's bar mitzvah.
DeleteOkay, I'm an old lady on this. I'm not wearing sneakers. Not with a dress. I'm just not doing it! (Also, I only have tennis shoes that are fit for working out. I don't have "cute" athletic shoes.)
DeleteThe dress code is the easy part! They said "whatever makes you feel comfortable and festive". To me that's a summer dress and comfy shoes. No matter what WEAR COMFY SHOES. We already covered this with Jenny's son's graduation, but no one is going to be looking at your feet.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the gift, my last choice would be the honeymoon fund, simply because it doesn't sit right with you. Snap up one of those six gifts! Or go off script and get them a "we're thinking of you but dude you're a grown up so pay for your own honeymoon" gift. Our wedding was "no gifts but if you want to do something nice here is the donation info for the cancer center that took care of Hubs's mama". People showed up to the ceremony with cards and little "I'm thinking of you" things: we got two bottles of champagne and a few wedding themed photo frames.
I'm excited for your trip!
Well, no matter what we decide re: gifts, I'm going to order them a holiday ornament. I don't know if they are the kind of couple who puts up a tree, but I refuse to show up on the day without a gift. (I'm sort of the worst kind of guest, I guess.)
DeleteI think that standing through the entire ceremony and walking on uneven ground calls for flat, comfortable shoes. Your everyday sandalls will be perfect! I hope you'll show us what you wear. It sounds like it'll be a fun wedding at a beautiful location.
ReplyDeleteI have two options for dresses, I think. I'll put them up for a vote on the blog and see how it goes.
DeleteOkay, absolutely wear your everyday sandals. You're going to be standing for the whole ceremony? You need to wear the practical shoes. Also it sounds like heels will be a nightmare on a dirt trail/ uneven ground. I'd wear a cotton sundress and then make sure to have some kind of wrap/ cardigan/ scarf for chilly weather. It sounds pretty casual and it feels like that will be a perfect outfit.
ReplyDeleteI would probably just pony up for the honeymoon fund, which I do not like personally, but hey, it makes things easy. I kind of hate that but I'd also probably want to leave the registry items for the elderly relatives. Then again, if you really hate it, just buy something from the registry. A gift is a gift!
A gift is a gift! That's right! AND we're spending thousands of dollars to be there, so that's something else, right?
DeleteEngie, this wedding dress code sounds MADE for you. You have a closet FULL of adorable dresses and scarves. Put your favorite two together and BAM, you are set! I 100% agree that wearing your everyday sandals is the way to go! This sounds so fun and I can't wait to see a photo of you in your cute dress and Dr. BB in his linen suit!
ReplyDeleteI, too, dislike honeymoon funds, even though I love giving and receiving cash. I don't know. There's something about giving A Thing, especially A Meaningful Thing, that feels so apt at weddings. Like not only are you giving a gift, but you're contributing something to their life together in a way that allows you to be part of that everyday. Not that I remember AT ALL who gave me every single item for my wedding, but the items I got -- even those not on my registry -- are things I feel so warm and sentimental about. The gifts represent that people who love us believed in me, my husband, and our union and wanted to be part of that commitment to our life together, and wow I am clearly attaching way too much emotional importance to this stuff oh my. What I am saying is, I understand the desire to give A Thing and I think they will appreciate and even treasure whatever you give them.
Ha! It was made for me and yet here I struggle. Does it seem less celebratory since it will probably be a dress I wear to work? I mean, I guess they won't know that I wear it to work, but still. It's the principle of it all.
DeleteI don't like just being part of the pool of money. I want people to see/use a gift and remember that I gave it to them. There is a fund for boarding their dog while they're on their honeymoon and I'm probably just going to donate to that. *sigh*
Comfort! Everyday sandals and comfy dress. No one will be looking at you, so priority is comfort. Honeymoon fund for the win - in Asian cultures, cash is the only gift that is given in all important situations. I'm American of Asian descent, so I was uncomfortable with cash at first, but have transitioned to it completely for many, many gifts. Teachers, aides, teenagers and especially when they ask for it. It's easy to find, wastes no time for me and completely fungible. No one is not thrilled with the cash!
ReplyDeleteI personally am not thrilled with cash, though. I don't think it's thoughtful and it's sort of a representation of all that's nasty about capitalism and this modern time. However, this is not about me, I guess.
DeleteEchoing what others are saying, comfy shoes, casual dress, bring a sweater. As for giving $$$ to their honeymoon fund, I'd have no problem with that. Stuff is nice, but helping someone have a vacation experience seems cool to me.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I guess I'm in the minority on experience gifts. The experience is one and done, but that nice garbage can in the kitchen gets used every day. It's all a matter of preference!
DeleteYou got good advice from the women above (or will they be below). But I am a guy and only wish you well. 🤓
ReplyDeleteI don't like this train of thought. This is for my husband's friend and my husband will have to think through these things just as much (if not more) than I will.
DeleteDonate to honeymoon fund. Wear a pretty summer dress with a layering piece (I have a really pretty coral Ann Taylor pashmina from back in the day when those were a thing if you want to borrow it-- it's really soft and warm but not hot (a good thing to take on a plane) I wear it as a spring/early fall scarf with a coat as a scarf but it is a shawl.) What about those darling Birks with the flower strap? Could be special for the wedding and then great everyday sandals: https://www.dsw.com/product/birkenstock-gizeh-sandal---womens/588972?activeColor=650&cm_mmc=CSE-_-GPS-_-G_Shopping_PMAX_Sandals-_-&cadevice=c&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21040035747&gbraid=0AAAAADRIb9Q3GmvgERItO3lEUv88DjGEo&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgvnCBhCqARIsADBLZoL86Mb3hLpuBT_sKiMjJRr1xr9E_AEuKKuQceMghp0g2faLg4tLOR8aAkalEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
ReplyDeleteI will definitely let you have some say over what I wear. I probably won't get new shoes (Birks aren't my favorite - I'm in between sizes and they're always slightly uncomfortable), but I have a few different options for potential dresses!
DeleteWow, that is kind of vague. All I can say is- wear your comfortable sandals!!! They have made it clear that it's not necessarily a super dressy occasion. You don't want to hurt yourself.
ReplyDeleteI say you should buy something from the registry if that's your preference. If they didn't want those things, they shouldn't have provided a registry! This sounds like it will be fun- and you get to go to CA!
I DO get to go to California. And I told my husband that beach time is non-negotiable!
DeleteSanta Cruz is hippy dippy so if they are getting married there my thoughts would be that a cotton dress with sensible shoes and a sweater and maybe make it a thick one, because when the fog rolls in, 50 degrees feels cold, no matter if you are from WI or not! You will be fine, and probably not the most casual person there. I am going to nearly guarantee that you will have at least one man with a pony tail and cords at this wedding.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely the honeymoon fund. Or cash, who cares what other people think? Registries are to make people who feel uncomfortable giving cash something tangible to buy. BUT if you feel uncomfortable giving cash, by all means, give something from the registry. They can always return it and get cash! :)
It's not just about being uncomfortable giving cash (although I have reservations about it), but it's about the idea of something tangible versus intangible. I know that you and I have very different philosophies about this, but I do not like experience gifts. It's so fleeting. What I prefer is to buy something for someone that they will use daily and will get years of use. *shrug* It's in the philosophy, I guess.
DeleteDress as fancy as want and wear comfy shoes, Engie!
ReplyDeleteIf it would make you miserable to not buy a thing, buy a thing. But it sounds like the couple really wants honeymoon funds, and if you feel like being magnanimous, you could pivot to thinking about how happy it would make them to receive cash. I'm all for experience gifts these days.
Right. I've just typed why I'm actually not into experience gifts multiple times, so I'm going to forgo it here. I guess I'm in the minority!
DeleteI echo the others - wear a summer dress, bring a cardigan for later. I always give cash for weddings (and gift a physical gift for a shower if they have one). I would probably just plug your nose and give cash/contribute to the honeymoon registry.
ReplyDeleteYes, I guess I'll just wear a regular old dress. LOL. I guess I wanted the consensus to be that I should buy a new dress. Oh, well.
DeleteSummer dress, cardigan, and your comfy sandals - especially for uneven ground! For the gift... I think go for the registry if that is more in your gift-giving wheelhouse! It's there for a reason.
ReplyDeletePerfect. I think I need you to come around with me wherever I go and just give me direct instructions about what to wear.
DeleteI feel like we could do a bartering thing where I can help you with this and you can help me with what podcast I should listen to next.
DeleteI think leaving the wedding attire open-ended like that means they aren't going to care too much about what their guests wear (unless one of them shows up in a Metallica t-shirt and holey jeans, though maybe not even then). I'd guess your options 3 and 4 will be perfectly fine.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'd get them a toaster.
You're probably right. On one hand, I'm super impressed with them that they are so casual about all of it. On the other hand, a little more guidance might have been nice.
DeleteRegular comfortable dress, sweater, regular sandals. Standing for the entirety of the ceremony seems punitive unless it's very short. Donate to the honeymoon fund and grumble about it - wanting experiences instead of stuff is fine, in my book, although I don't love giving just cash either. I hope it's fun - I am such a nervous traveler, but usually have a blast once I get there, and California sounds nice from what little I know.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm the same as you. I'll freak out about the logistics of travel and where we stay and all of that, but in the end it will be fine. At the very least I'll get some beach time out of it!
DeleteI went to a wedding last August on the coast just a little south of the Santa Cruz area. It was outdoors and the ceremony was at 5:00 and it was very warm and sunny. But going into the evening with the reception, dinner and dancing it was COLD! like wear a puffy coat zipped up cold and I still wasn’t warm enough. So a pashmina or sweater may not be enough. Maybe have a warmer jacket stashed away just in case? And do you think you’re only seeing 6 items on their registry because everything else was already purchased and that’s all that’s left? I would buy something off the registry - they obviously will like it since they chose it.
ReplyDelete1st time commenting - Dulcie
Welcome, Dulcie! Honestly, I like the idea of it being chillier for dinner and dancing - I sometimes work up a sweat on the dance floor! I will consider packing a light jacket along with a cardigan, but I think it will depend on how much room there is in the luggage.
DeleteI think you can wear one of your cute dresses and bring along either a warmish cardigan or linen blazer. As far as footwear, if you're going to be traversing longish grass and rough stones, I don't think sandals will be comfy or safe. Do you have a pair of flats or fun sneakers? I just think loose shoes might cause you to slip, and I wonder about bugs in the grass. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a wedding gift, I always give cash. It's One Size Fits All, and I don't ever have to feel like I've wasted my time or money picking out a gift that might live on a shelf and eventually be in a garage sale or be donated (like the sterling silver casserole and tongs that I just last year donated to Goodwill that had been sitting in my basement, unused since I got them 40+ years ago).
My sandals are the comfiest shoes I own. I try to wear them as many days as I can in the year. I have definitely traversed uneven ground in them on many a dog walk. I wouldn't hike in them, but I'm up for walking a slightly uneven trail in them. I'm unconcerned about bugs or dirt because of the dog walk thing, too.
DeleteYou had a sterling silver casserole dish and tongs you've never used?! Wow. I don't think we got anything off our registry that we haven't used many times over.
We didn't ask for any silver or fussy things like that. Those gifts were given by very elderly, very traditional, wealthy people. They were ridiculous for two 22-year olds who were living in a one-bedroom apartment and didn't have two nickels.
DeleteI would have loved fussy things like that and held dinner parties just to show them off!
DeleteBe comfy regarding the shoes, and bring a light jacket or a warm sweater. If the fog comes in it can be COLD and WINDY. People sometimes wear winter coats in the summer. Or it can be 90. You’ll have to watch the weather closer to the date, and maybe watch a local news channel on YouTube to see what the evening weather does.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the gift, do whatever makes you happiest. Registry, honeymoon fund, a gift card to a local restaurant…OR, you could get something small from the registry, and give them some cash as well if you want.
You’re going to be SO CLOSE! But I’m sure you’ll be too busy for a blogger meet up. Sigh.
I might have a tiny window to meet up. I'll email you and see if work for you!
DeleteI agree with so many here. Choose a dress you like, that's comfy. Thanks to the fashion ways of today, you can wear sneakers - and it sounds like you should. Bring a sweater or a coat.
ReplyDeleteThe gift - hmm, that's tough. Could you maybe contribute something to the travel fund and then give them something you think they will like, something more personal. Maybe you know them well enough to figure that out.
It sounds so fun. I hope you enjoy it and your leg behaves.
There is NO WAY I'm wearing athletic shoes with a dress. Sure, some people do it. That does not mean I have to do it. I'm the old lady screaming into the void about what has happened to our fashion standards. I'm clearly a delight to be around.
DeleteMicro climates are a real consideration here; if you can see the sea, and you will be outside, I suggest a pair of light cotton leggings underneath the dress. And a knit hat in your bag, just in case! Hope you have a wonderful visit!
ReplyDeleteA hat is a brilliant idea! I shall bring my Craft Windstopper hat in case it gets too cold - it's light and easy to pack.
DeleteThe pacific ocean is cold--if you're going to be anywhere near the coast, I echo the others, you'll want to find a way to jam a light puffy or fleece or something in your luggage and bring it with you. (Will you have a rental car? You can hid your heavier layer in the car if you don't want to lug it around all afternoon).
ReplyDeleteRe: gifts...tastes change, items break. Memories last a very long time. Most folks getting married nowadays already have their own place(s) and don't need the 'stuff' required to start a household. I think its very thoughtful of the couple not to ask for items they probably don't need. It seems very practical and anti-consumerist to me. If you really want to give a tangible gift, maybe tie it into the honeymoon--combine cash with something they can use on the trip. Disposable cameras are all the rage again; a pair of those and a small photo album? A set of nice, packable turkish towels? Eye masks for the plane? you get the idea