Kari and Ally both wrote a life poem based on this template, so if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me. I'm no poet, but I'm here to pretend.
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| Fifth grade photo. Love that laser background. 1990ish? |
Where I'm From (Original poem by George Ella Lyon)
I am from overfilled ashtrays
From Marlboro Silvers and Pepsi bottles
I am from the rundown farmhouse on a two-lane road
Cold, drafty, my sister and I huddled around the only heat register to get dressed on those winter mornings when we could see our breath
I am from the cornfields
Knee-high by the fourth of July, creaking like old bones in the September wind
I'm from fighting and stubbornness
From Nancy and Catherine
I'm from the grudges and the family feuds
From "does money grow on trees?" and "get your nose out of that book and go outside"
I'm a heathen, never setting foot in a church until my grandmother died
I'm from Rhineland and County Clare and the Appalachian Mountains and the City of Chicago
Stuffed peppers and green bean casserole and sauerkraut (sometimes in the same meal)
From the man who raped my grandmother and the man who took in a pregnant woman and then gave her nine more children, blessings every one - pass the butter, honey child, he would say to me, not knowing exactly which of his dozens of grandchildren I was, only knowing that I belonged
The thoughtfulness of my Uncle Lenny, teaching me that you don't have to be good at something right away; you can practice and get better at anything
The way my Aunt Jackie drove me in a winter storm to buy cough medicine and Tylenol when I came to her house and immediately went to bed for two days
The hugs of my Aunt Debbie, who knew that summer was too short and that I'd have to go back to the home where she could not protect me
The photos on the wall by the staircase in that house on Sumner Street
The photos on the wall in my own home right now that I see every day
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| My sister and I. I loved that duck. It made a terrible quacking noise until my father figured out how to disable the noise mechanism. |
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How often did you hear "does money go on trees?" when you were a child?
Love this! It's great knowing more about you. Uncle Lenny sounds supportive and yes I heard the "money doesn't grow on trees" saying often. Hadn't thought of that in years.
ReplyDeleteUncle Lenny was the best. I hope he knew how much of an influence he had on me.
DeleteEngie, this is beautiful but also heartbreaking. It's making me realize that for all my complaints about my childhood, I always felt safe and loved. This is a great template- it really helps you paint a picture of your past! And- I love those photos. I can see adult Engie in that fifth grade face.
ReplyDeleteI can absolutely see myself in that photo. I don't feel like my face shape has changed at all!
DeleteI have recently accumulated 3 poetry books of the self-published variety. No doubt I will post someday.
ReplyDeleteOh, boy. That could be good or that could be bad.
DeleteWow. I was dimly aware of some of this, but wow. I have just typed a bunch of different versions of 'you have overcome a lot' and they all sound drippy and wrong. You are a badass, let's just leave it at that. Also, that fifth grade picture is the bomb! We had laser beams, but never full-body knee-clasping poses.
ReplyDeleteOh, man. I didn't realize this came off so dire. LOL. It wasn't the best childhood, but many people had it worse and I have that awesome photo from fifth grade and a great life now, so it's hard to complain!
DeleteThat is a very fun project, but also what an insight into your life! I line about the kids, blessings everyone, pass the butter honeychild. I heard the money doesn't grow on trees line a lot, and also "a penny saved is a pound earned" and "waste not, want not" and several others which were mostly about not wasting money. I love the school picture. I was around in those days but don't think our backgrounds were as fun!
ReplyDeleteWaste not, want not! YES!! Usually in reference to how it cost a nickel each time you flipped a light switch (is/was that true? I don't know, but it's ingrained in my head).
DeleteI'm super jealous of the laser background! All that we had were head shots with plain backgrounds when I was in school. You kids these days.
ReplyDeleteReading this I remember being SOOOOOOO COLD in winter as a young 'un. My parents liked to keep the heat as low as they could, and my school was in an old building that had radiators.
I heard both of the Greatest Hits a lot in childhood - "do you think money grows on trees" and "get your nose out of that book!" No one has ever told me to get my nose out of a book as an adult.
Honestly, my parents probably just couldn't afford to heat the whole house. I was cold, the house was cold, it was generally a nightmare.
DeleteAs an adult, if someone told me to get my nose out of a book, I would die of laughter. No one can tell NGS what to do!
This is really well done. It doesn't jive with 'I'm no poet.' It made me sad to think about the parts of your background that aren't exactly clear, but are certainly more unsettling than I can grasp. Uncle Lenny rocks. The aunts too. I had an uncle that called each of us Ace, but in a way that convinced me I was his favorite. Thanks for sharing. Love the photos. I've not seen a school pic that was more than just a headshot. The laser background does the timeframe justice. I was in college so my backgrounds are all the standard blue.
ReplyDeleteIt really does only take an adult or two to change a life. My mom's family is so wonderful and I'm glad they took me under their collective wing.
DeleteI'm sad for all of you who didn't have awesome school photo backgrounds. The laser one is definitely a highlight for me.
I agree with what others have said - this is beautiful but heartbreaking. Especially the line about your lineage... So terribly sad! But you are like a beautiful phoenix that has risen from the ashes of challenging circumstances.
ReplyDeleteSheesh. I keep rereading this and I don't think it's so sad. That is clearly a me problem! My family is so complicated and I don't even realize it.
DeleteOh Engie - this was both heartbreaking and achingly beautiful at the same time. And I completely understand and commiserate with it all.
ReplyDeleteI consistently heard that money doesn't grow on trees and shut the door we aren't air conditioning the neighborhood on constant repeat growing up.
Ha ha! We aren't air conditioning the neighborhood. That's awesome. I wonder if parents are still using these phrases.
DeleteI think it was Kari who said that photos of her friends as children made her feel so much closer to those friends. I agree and I also think that this is such an insight into your life and into the incredible woman who you are today. You've captured perfectly the complicated nature of life - the hard stuff but also the people who made a difference. I come from a huge family as well and my grandma - my step-grandma, really - always made me feel so loved. My (step) aunt was one of the only adults I ever remember making me feel like I was okay and I didn't have to change, which is a huge thing when you're a child. Anyway, this was absolutely beautiful and I imagine it was also emotionally draining to write. (also? overflowing ashtrays over here too)
ReplyDeleteI remember my dad sending me around to collect the ashtray debris on garbage night. I hated that job because it was so stinky. Do you remember those days? We'd make ashtrays in art class! Kids these days will never know that!
DeleteLove that photo of young Engie <3
ReplyDeleteAlso, you're from Rhineland?? Wait, you need to elaborate please! I am from Rhineland! :)
SAN!! I was born in Germany. My parents were in the military and I was born in Landstuhl. FOR REAL!!
DeleteENGIE!! Did I know this? How did I not know this?? I LOVE IT :)
DeleteI am with Allison.... you have definitley had your struggles. I am sorry it was hard in your childhood.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this.
The photos are a treasure. So fun.
The photos are fun! I love seeing how it looks like I was around a long, long time ago. The photos make it look like it was centuries ago.
DeleteI love the photo and the poem even as the details make me worry for Baby Engie.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the template is so cool, and I LOVE what you've done with it! Sending so much love...
DeleteI keep coming back to this--the kindness of your smile, the discomfort of the splayed fingers of your left hand...
Delete"Aunt Debbie, who knew that summer was too short and that I'd have to go back to the home where she could not protect me" keeps coming back to haunt me. HAUNT ME.
I heard the "money doesn't grow on trees" from mean teachers.
I should not get credit for the template - other, cooler bloggers found it first. I think it would be such a good teaching tool because I feel like it meets the perfect intersection of specific with allowing for a lot of personalization and freedom of choice.
DeleteI don't mean to haunt you! I'm fine now! FINE! I have a happy life with my good dude, dog, and radioactive cat and I don't have to go back to that drafty farmhouse!
Oh wow...I sort of frolicked through your poem and then bam. Love this.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It was an interesting exercise to go through.
DeleteThis is wonderful Engie, really moving. The "money doesn't grow on trees" must be universal as my mum used that in 1980's Melbourne, Australia.
ReplyDeleteParents worldwide! Good to know! I wonder how it became so prevalent in pop culture - a book? a movie?
DeleteGoodness, I think I did this on my blog way back in 2006 or 2007. Maybe I'll repost it. Overflowing ashtrays...that reminds me of when I was a kid, and adults used to use pepsi cans as ashtrays. So an unsuspecting kid might come along and try to steal a swig, and UGH, a mouth full of flat warm pepsi with ashes. So gross.
ReplyDeleteThis was lovely, sad, joyous, moving, all of the things. Thank you for sharing it. And yeah, Money doesn't grow on trees. Also, "Close the damn door, are you trying to heat (or cool) the entire neighborhood?" Also, "1,500 square feet in this house and you have to sit right in front of the television." (These were all from my Grandpa, whom I loved very much, but he was a bad man.)
Oh, I didn't know you had done it or I would have posted a link to yours, too. It must have been before my time reading your blog!
DeleteMy dad's version was "you make a better door than window" when we were blocking the television. *sigh* Parents are so predictable everywhere, aren't they?
I was asked, if I were blocking the view: Is your father a glass master? (ie do you think you are transparent?) LOL
DeleteWhat more can I add to the chorus of "this is beautiful and this is heartbreaking." It sounds like something a poet laureate would write. Really. It's incredible and gives such powerful insights into your life in such a short number of lines.
ReplyDeleteA big saying when I was growing up were: "It builds character." (from my dad). And "As long as you tried your best, that's all I can ask for." (from my mom). She didn't like when I half-assed school work.
"It builds character" was a constant from my dad, too! Did they take a class or something?
DeleteNot to be the old person here, but I will. Kids these days need to build more character. (I am so frustrated with college students who can't handle the smallest bit of adversity.)
DeleteEngie, that photo...! Were you also told to Sit Up Straight?
ReplyDeleteYour poem is huge and poignant and authentic. It tells us so much about who you are now, with your marshaling sense of order and organization, and your overflowing love for your pets, and your focus on goals.
I once read that kids who read a lot were doing so to escape an unsatisfactory childhood. I kept thinking, "That's wrong. I had a great childhood," yet I read constantly. Several years ago, I suddenly had a revelatory conversation with a sibling, and a flood of memories came rushing back, ones I had evidently repressed. It was like seeing my childhood through an entirely different set of eyes, and it was so, so hard. So hard. I haven't been the same since.
Thank goodness for books! Evidently, they came to my rescue.
I would LOVE to go back and know what instructions I was told for that photo. I don't know if I was told to sit up straight or not. I don't remember. To be a fly on the wall would be amazing (or really sad, who knows?).
DeleteOh, man, books for the win in a tough childhood. I really relate to Francie Nolan reading on her balcony trying not to think about all the hard things going on in her neighborhood and in her own apartment.
I typically only comment on your book reviews, but I was drawn in by your school picture and just wanted to say what a beautiful child you were and what a journey you took. (Also: well done colour coordinating with the lasers!)
ReplyDeleteI loved that dress and I was so excited to wear it with the lasers. LOL.
DeleteWow, this is a beautiful poem, Engie, filling my brain with so many pictures. Speaking of pictures, the laser background is just too awesome! I did not get a laser background in my school pictures. Boo!
ReplyDeleteNot a lot of people chose the laser background if I recall correctly. I have a friend who has yearbooks from fifth grade - I'm going to ask him to see if he can do a count for me. I think that background holds up. Obviously I'm a tacky lady.
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ReplyDeleteOh, Engie, this is beautiful. I feel so much closer to you after reading it. Thank you for sharing this today—it’s exactly the kind of writing I love most. 😘❤️
I was inspired by you! I never would have stumbled upon it without your encouragement. Now my poet hat is off for a good long while.
DeleteI've enjoyed all three of these now. They're really illuminating in a way a regular blog post couldn't be. I'll touch on one of the lighter topics: green bean casserole. That alone is a big reason why I love Thanksgiving so much.
ReplyDeleteNOOOO! Green bean casserole is REPULSIVE. Ick. ICK. I find even the smell reallllly troubling. We will have to agree to disagree on this.
DeleteOh my goodness, fifth-grade Engie! I had one of those awesome laser backgrounds, too. I thought it was the BEST.
ReplyDeleteI love your poem and how I got such a beautiful glimpse into your childhood. <3