Today is the first day of National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo)!
San hosts NaBloPoMo every year. If you want to join, go sign up on her site! If you don't know what to write about every single day of the month, we have crowdsourced some ideas and have them here in a Google doc, so feel free to get an idea from that list (and feel free to add ideas to the list, too!).
I'm aiming to post every day this month. I'm going to try to limit them to pretty short posts, though, for everyone's benefit.
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For today, I want to do a brief (re)introduction.
My name is NGS and some people call me Engie. None of that is true in real life, although my husband does sometimes jokingly call me Engie when I'm talking too much about my blog. I've had this blog for twenty years, though, so my relationship with it is longer than that of my relationship with him, so sometimes he has to listen to me blather about it.
I live in a small town in Wisconsin where I work for a local regional university and I have a cat and a dog who I'm pretty obsessed with. Zelda is the cat and she is the queen of the household. Hannah is the dog and she and I just do what Zelda tells us to do. Zelda recently had a medical treatment and she is radioactive for 80 days, which means I am not supposed to cuddle with her. I'm not sure how that is going to go.
I read a lot of books and so I write about books a lot. If you don't read books, just don't tell me, okay? We'll still be friends as long as I don't know about your reading habits.
I'm obsessed with Taskmaster and The Great British Baking Show, have killed too many houseplants to mention, and have read every book in JD Robb's In Death series. I'm always trying to complete lists of books because I am a completionist at heart. I like nectarines, cherries, and plums. Purple is my favorite color. I like to send snail mail. I have a dozen post it notes on my computer at any given moment. I like my job and feel useful at work. I hate making adulting decisions like when to buy a new appliance or car, how often I should visit family, and what photo to use for the Christmas card.
Current adulting conundrum: My uncle, who has been a jerk to me since I got married more than fifteen years ago, is a thorn in my side. Why is he so grumpy with me? One, I didn't invite his children to our wedding because we didn't invite children to the thing (for legitimate reasons having to do with limiting the guest list! if we added cousins to the list, it would have doubled the number of guests!). Two, I didn't have my father walk me down the aisle because my relationship with my father was rocky and also, I am not property to be "given away." Three, he's kind of a jerk. ANYWAY. His daughter is throwing him a big birthday party later this month and I was invited. It was the first family thing I've been invited to in a bit and I could go. But I don't want to. It would take up an entire weekend. Should I go? Just send a card? Why do I have to make hard choices?
Anyway, that's me! If you have questions, feel free to throw them in the comments. Otherwise, weigh in on the adulting decision for me.
I'd not go to any birthday party of someone I considered a jerk. And your uncle is a jerk, ergo...
ReplyDeleteAlso I walked myself down the aisle all by myself. Not properly given away like you. Ain't it grand‽
Right? I walked myself down the aisle because I was an independent adult!
DeleteNo walking down the aisle on my end either. Not such a popular thing in Germany and also if you come to think of what it presents its a definite no.
ReplyDeleteThe party thing is hard. If you feel strongly about a no I wouldn't go. However, I would wonder if it is a sort of olive branch reaching out to put the differences behind. If so it might not be the best idea not to go even if you don't feel like it. I guess it depends if you would want that relationship to be be mended and maybe just for your cousins... Definitely tough one.
Honestly, my father's side of the family is exhausting. There is a cousin or two I'd like to see, but the whole thing would be filled with MAGA supporters and I just don't know if it would be fun. Oh, well. I have some time to think on it.
DeleteHmmm, I don't know. I would be indecisive on that too. On the one hand, it's nice to give people the benefit of the doubt and "take the higher road" and all of that. People can and do change sometimes... it's possible that he isn't exactly the same guy he was 15 years ago. (Then again, maybe he is. It's hard to know- when is the last time you saw him?) But especially since it sounds far away/a big inconvenience on top of all the other stuff ....ehh... I guess I probably wouldn't go. OR I might go regardless of my exact feelings about the uncle, IF I mostly just wanted to catch up with other cousins or extended family that I don't see often, because life is short and at least for me, I don't have many chances to see all my extended cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's the thing. I have seen him many times since my wedding and he brings it up EVERY TIME. If I had known I would have been hearing about it more than fifteen years later, I would have just invited his kids. Sheesh. My father's side of the family can hold grudges. LOL.
DeleteTough one. I'm pretty sure I would just send a card. Do you have any sense that if you went, he would be ready to forgive you for your "crimes?" If he's just going to be the same old jerk, it's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteI knew a lot of these facts, but I don't think I knew your favorite color is purple! And... HOW are you going to get through that long without cuddling Zelda??? This sounds difficult.
I am not going to get through the entire time without cuddling Zelda. I am not. I'm going to wait until the two week period when she's most dangerous is up and then I'm going to allow myself 5-10 minutes of cuddles every day. Fuck it. If I get cancer, I'll die knowing that my cat wasn't ostracized.
DeleteLast year, I would have dithered. This year, I would 100% skip the party. I have had to learn some very hard lessons in boundary-setting. Unless you think going to this party is miraculously going to make your relationship with your Uncle amazing and unless it's something you really want to invest in, I wouldn't go. To be honest, I also wouldn't send a card.
ReplyDeleteWhat does your gut say? Go or not go? I think it's not go? If so...I'd go with that instinct.
But I agree adulting is very, very hard. I'm waiting for you to publish that manual of yours.
Someone else needs to write the manual. If it's going to be up to me, the answer for everything is going to be "ask your grandmother - if she's not around, ask your mother - if she's not around, ask your neighbor who is at least a generation older than you - if you don't have an older female role model, you're officially in charge and you have to muddle through on your own."
DeleteRe the uncle, do you care about seeing the cousins or anyone else that will be at the party? If so, I would go. It's not about him; it's about the family that you want to see. If you don't care about them and you don't really get along with him, I say don't go, and don't feel bad. Send a card, and move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteYOU need to write the manual, Kyria. You're so wise.
DeleteBoo on the no cuddling! Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMy fun fact about you is that when I'm in blog mode you are "Engie" but otherwise I think of you as [insert real name here].
You get to do whatever you want to do with your uncle's party! There is no wrong or right answer. If it was me, I would be 100% selfish - I'd go if there were other people there that I would enjoy seeing or if there was something cool/enjoyable about the party, and if not I would skip it in a heartbeat and probably be "too busy" to send a card. One of my good friends had a "no kids" wedding back when the boys were young - would you believe that my husband and I went to his wedding without the kids and had a wonderful time and also I don't remember who walked who down the aisle for any weddings that I've been to?
Our relationship with Zelda is never going to be the same after this. I am undoubtedly going to cave before she's officially "safe." Who can deny a cat cuddles?
DeleteI guess my answer would depend on what other family members will be there and your relationship with them. You could go but avoid the jerk uncle (presumably).
ReplyDeleteMy father's family is difficult. There are a few people who I might like to see, but you've all convinced me that maybe it's not in my best interest to go.
DeleteSo, I get that family is family but your peace is also your peace. I say send a card and enjoy your weekend in a way that is actually enjoyable to you!! PS: At some point we need to catch up on this current Taskmaster series; I have so many opinions and my little family is at odds over who we are cheering for, haha!
ReplyDeleteHa! I am LOVING this new series. I wasn't sold on the female contestants at first, but now that I'm caught up, I think Emma's snarkiness to Greg and Rosie's random moments of brilliance (how did she KNOW to look in the pedestal?) are winning me over. That being said, I am on the Jack Dee train. He is HILARIOUS. Also, he's basically my husband. This gruff, serious dude who is a marshmallow and will hug me when we went 3/3 on the first "name a fruit/name a barnyard animal/name a part of the body" game.
DeleteBut, I love Babátúndé's laughter at the other contestants. The only one I'm not entirely sold on is Andy, although his children's puppet literally made me laugh so hard I fell off the couch, so he has his moments.
I also have so many thoughts and realize that maybe I should write a NaBloPoMo post about it that only you and I will enjoy. :)
Sigh. I hate family obligation and all the crap that goes along with it. No matter what you decide, it's going to suck at some point. If you go, you'll feel the suck immediately. If you don't go, there will be suck coming your way about how you didn't go, "family is family", and all that bs.
ReplyDeleteSo! I say Set Your Boundary and feel good about it. If this jerk wasn't family, you wouldn't give him the time of day, but since he is, send a pleasant card and perhaps include a gift card (if it's usual or expected) and be done. You don't owe anyone an explanation or excuse. You're an adult.
(And I'd never be able to refuse cuddles with Piper or Marlowe for all that time. I'd even find a way to rent one of those big lead aprons from Radiology if I had to. Zelda needs you during this time.)
You are NOT kidding about Zelda needing us right now. She's a pet seeking missile and right now I'm hiding from her on a different floor of the house because I can't cuddle with her. We still have nine more days when we're really in the "danger zone" when she's most dangerous, but I fear we're really hurting our long-term relationship with her by not being able to give her pets and cuddles.
DeleteI second Kyria: If there will be anyone at the party you would want to see and spend time with I would consider going. Older people usually don't change much anymore unless something life altering happens. Since it does not sound like this is the case I would not hope for any reconciliation. If you don't want to go, don't and send a card. If you already feel uncomfortable now the likelihood of that changing is not that great.
ReplyDeleteI have decided I'm not even sending a card. He'll never notice! I'm growing a backbone!
DeleteBecause I have no skin in this game other than that I like you and want you to be happy, it's a decisive no from me on the party. Why give up a weekend for a jerk? Send a nice card, pretend in the card that you don't think he's a jerk, which will be easier than pretending in person.
ReplyDeleteThere was JUST a post on AITA (which I cannot resist, the shame) about people not inviting kids to a wedding and other people being all pissy about it. WHY? Most kids would find weddings boring anyway, it makes perfect sense to limit the guest list and also, its NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.
They could have just quietly send their regrets to the wedding and that would have been the end of it. But, no, they have to bring it up over and over again. LOL. You're right, I'm not going to this party. I am not giving him one of my precious weekends
DeleteI wish there were some kind of radioactive blocking blanket or suit for Zelda! Someone needs to invent one! I probably would avoid the party - I don’t do well at parties even if I like the people! 🤣 It was fun to read your introduction and I’m looking forward to all of your posts!
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a blanket for Zelda, too. I feel TERRIBLE for her. She clearly wants comfort and we can only give it to her when we have on gloves. Poor thing.
DeleteI would not go the party, but you are WAY NICER than I am, so take that with a grain of salt.
ReplyDeleteI do not think I am nice or I would have just gone without thinking anything about it. Oh, well. We'll be midwestern "nice" together.
DeleteI don't think I'd attend unless there are other people there you really wanted to see. I also walked myself down the aisle because I'm a grown-up, not property, plus the dad issues...
ReplyDeleteYes, I think it's weird when women don't think about the property side of things. I also hate it when they're introduced as Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstname HisLastName. Like...the woman's identity has been subsumed by her husband's when they said their vows? Ugh.
DeleteI vote you skip the party. Maybe the cousin who invited you would like to see you? He mentions his kids not being invited to your wedding every time? Weird. He's got issues. Weddings are pricey and limits need to be set. I thought in this day and age everyone knew that. Adulting is hard. It seemed so simple a few decades ago. I thought it would get easier. Sorry about having to socially distance your own beloved cat. That's rough stuff. I laughed at how you and Hannah do whatever Zelda tells you to do. Ha.
ReplyDeleteZelda is firmly in charge. Hannah and I are her followers.
DeleteYou have some good thoughts here on the party, so let's talk GBBS! We are calling Dylan the son I didn't have, and I want him to win because I want to take credit for his baking, as his mother. And what the heck is Christiaan's accent? It's so weird I just love it. I also love Sumayah and Nelly. Nelly was really great, I'm going to miss her!
ReplyDeleteI am TWO WEEKS BEHIND because I had COVID. Oh, well, now I can prep myself for this sadness.
DeleteI feel terrible to have let that out of the bag, I'm sorry! I'm afraid I assumed that with COVID, you would have had plenty of time to watch. Blah. And then if you see my email, you will realize that I hadn't even watched this episode yet when I wrote the comment, but I remembered wrong and so I ruined it for myself too. Dumb.
DeleteGreat intro, I like you already (and purple is my least liked color!!).
ReplyDeleteLove especially the dog's name, such a pretty choice! 😜
Hannah came with her name, but we didn't change it because she seemed to respond to it. She's a total Hannah, though. I can't imagine her with another name.
DeleteGAH, no cuddling Zelda? How is that even possible? That sounds so sad. :(
ReplyDeleteThe family stuff is hard. The way I see stuff like this is: Is it important for me to be the bigger person in this scenario? Are there other people at the party I want to see? Will this ruin any of my relationships if I *don't* go? So... a lot to think about!
Stephany, I underestimated how SUPER SAD it is that Zelda wants comfort and cuddles and I can provide her with none. It is HEARTBREAKING. We have another nine days until we're past the true danger zone, so I don't pet her unless I'm wearing gloves (she does not like this) and I am limiting her time on my lap to 15 minutes a day. It's 7:20pm and she's already used up all her lap time for the day and she keeps jumping on my lap and I have to keep moving her. It's SO SAD. I hate it and I sort of regret pushing for this treatment. Check back in 80 days to see if I still have regrets.
DeleteOh, this makes me so sad, I'm sorry. I hope in 80 days she is feeling GREAT and holds no resentment, and you will then be glad for doing this treatment. Poor Zelda. WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS SOMETIMES?
DeleteI don't know, but I'm STRUGGLING right now with life. Like, what has my kitty done to deserve this? She's so sweet. And so sad right now. I'm quite concerned that it's going to hurt our long-term relationship with her.
DeleteMy approach to NaBloPoMo this year - to everyone's benefit - will also be to keep posts relatively short because I am having another busy month ahead... but still, I am so thrilled it's NaBloPoMo and that you all are participating. I adore you all.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your introduction (even though I've been reading your blog for a while)... but I learned a couple new things that we have in common. I am also a completionist (love that word LOL) and my favorite color is purple ;)
Re: your uncle's birthday, I used to be the person who tried to keep family "together and connected" but the older I get, the less I am willing to put up with BS and unless there is anyone else at this birthday party that you'd love to see, I would vote "no, don't go".
I really like it when people do intros. If you do have new readers, they need to know about your quirks! I think it was an idea you added to the Google spreadsheet and I immediately added it to my editorial calendar.
Delete
ReplyDeleteIf it were me, I wouldn’t go. Life’s too short to spend time around jerks! 🤣
You're right! I have limited weekend days - why do something that feels like homework?
DeleteI don't do the meme although I almost do it. 😊
ReplyDeleteI don't think your uncle deserves you on that say. He'd probably make it painful for you in some way.
Bloggers who write daily/near daily probably scoff at as NaBloPoMoers. I don't know how you're as prolific as you are!
DeleteI'm going with what looks like the majority opinion here and say ditch the party. I mean it will chew up a whole weekend and probably just leave you feeling angry at him and probably at yourself for going in the first place.
ReplyDeleteOh, I didn't even think about how I would be angry at myself. That's such a good point.
DeleteJust... don't go Engie. Life is both too short and too long to surround ourselves with mean people. <3
ReplyDeleteAnd TIL that you love nectarines... me too. I think they're the most divine of the stone fruits!
Cherries are my absolutely favorite, but a juice nectarine is to die for, too. But a plum is also the best. I mean, why do I need to choose among the stone fruits?!
DeleteWe didn't invite kids to our wedding either. By the time we got married, soooo many people had kids. It literally would have increased the guest list by 75 people, so it would have increased the guest list by 50%. NOT HAPPENING. I only had my nieces and nephews there. Luckily no one said anything to me and then all of my other cousins who have gotten married after me did not invite children either!
ReplyDeleteMy bias would be to not go. He's jerky. You don't need to be there. I would only go if this was a rare chance to see extended family that you really want to see.
It will be really hard not to cuddle Zelda. How is she going to understand that?! Poor everyone!
Zelda does not understand the lack of cuddles and is very sad and I'm very sad and it's all very depressing up in our house. There will be a time after this! I have to tell myself that or it would be unbearable.
DeleteI would only go if you want to see other family members. Maybe just send a nice card?
ReplyDeleteI completely understand not inviting kids to a wedding and he should as well...I mean, it wasn't HIS wedding.
I never looked at my father walking me down the aisle as him giving away property, rather he was there supporting my lifelong commitment, which I think is lovely.
I hear you on having your father walk you down the aisle. Perhaps if I had a better relationship with my own father, I could have reframed it, but the historical meaning really overwhelmed me at the time.
DeleteYou know my opinion on this one. But hey, answer a question for me. Why the "n"? Why not just "gradstudent..." in your URL? Did you answer this before and I missed it?
ReplyDeleteOh! I never talk about that. When I started this blog, I was in grad school. It was called Neurotic Grad Student (NGS) and that's why there's an n there. gradstudent.blogspot and neuroticgradstudent.blogspot were both taken.
Delete