45 x 365 #31

31/365 - GV

"What's that smell?"
He was a tough kid. I was intimidated.
"Me." I flushed, embarrassed. "We had a house fire. Everything smells like this. I'm sorry if it bothers you."
The kids all made fun.
"Stop it," he said. "It's not her fault."
They listened.

45 x 365 #30

30/365 - JA

You insisted we call you Dr. Joe, claiming our Midwestern selves just couldn't call doctorates by first names. You laughed at us when we shot you with banana guns on the quad. When you handed me my diploma, you whispered something I wish I'd heard.

45 x 365 #29

29/365 - AC

Your constant smoking, worrying, and lack of sleep has led to your skin's grayish pallor. I know so few people who still smoke and seeing you outside on the coldest day of the year, puffing on those sticks, makes me worry for your future self.

45 x 365 #28

28/365 - LR

It's hard to admit, but you were the first man to really hurt my heart. You didn't break it, as I barely knew you, but to see you prefer her to me ached. I healed quickly, but hope you never did that to another person.

Bawesome!

You guys, I no longer have a cast on!! We went yesterday to get my hand re-x-rayed. The not doctor (seriously, I never saw the doctor) looked at the new images and said, "that's an interesting fracture. But let's get you set up with a splint."

Yay!! I only have to wear the splint when I'm in danger of hurting my hand by banging it against something. So I wear it at night, when I'm around other people who might bump it (e.g. students, shoppers at the Mall of America), or when I'm working out. When I'm sitting around the house, eating dinner, or working on my computer, I get to be splint free!! Taking a shower this morning was an amazing experience. I could scrub my scalp and clean my right hand. With all apologies to the Earth, I stayed in that shower way longer than I absolutely needed to.

In celebration of my castlessness, we went to see Bolt last night (in 3D). It was fabulous. In the movie the hamster refers to himself as BEYOND AWESOME, which turns into bawesome and that's my new favorite word. Taking a shower: bawesome. Husband making breakfast: bawesome. Getting home in time to get UPS package: bawesome. But, really, it was a good movie. I laughed a lot and even the boy chuckled a few times. Good stuff. We went to a late enough showing that there weren't a gazillion kids there (sorry! I don't want to hear them crying during my movie!) and everyone else was off seeing Twilight, so we had a fairly quiet audience.

So we went to this movie, but since I really wanted to see it in 3D, we had to go to the suburbs. Since we had other shopping to do (baby clothes! for the new nephew in the family! - imagine my glee at having to take the boy with me to go baby clothes shopping! - we (I) went a little crazy, but the new baby's got some cute gear to wear) we went to the Mall of America. Bullet points about my experience at the MOA follow.

1) I haven't been there in a few months and all the stores have changed. There's a new American Girl store, a Nike store, a Best Buy, and the Dairy Queen has moved. The constant movement in that place is surprising.

2) There's an unopened store called "Santa's Experience" and the signs on the outside of it say "make an appointment with Santa." WTF? Just wait in line like everyone else!!

3) There are an unusually large number of crazy people at the MOA in comparison to your average mall. The number of people who talk to themselves while pointing at nothing was enough to make me question my own sanity. Likewise, the number of people who seem to think that they are the only people in the entire mall and exhibit behaviors like screaming to other members of their party from one floor of the mall to the other or blocking the aisle way so no one else can get by seems to go up exponentially the closer we get to the holiday season.

4) The holiday decorations are up. I found myself humming alone to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" a lot. But it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Weird. I asked a checker at a certain unnamed baby clothier if she was sick of the holiday music yet and she looked up at me in surprise, "I hadn't even noticed it!" How do you not notice the incredibly loud stylizing vocals on Bryan Adams, I ask you?

45 x 365 #27

27/365 - BV

They call you by the name on the back of the sports jersey you are wearing at the moment. You are brutally mean, awkward, disloyal, and have a sense of superiority unparalleled by anyone I've ever met. It's not a pleasure to know you.

45 x 365 #26

26/365 - NH

As a child, you played sports and shot deer. As a young adult, you gracefully handled your uncle duties with unbelievable patience. As a newlywed, you whispered to me the depths of your love and devotion to your new bride. You're the realest of men.

45 x 365 #25

25/365 - LM

An architect, a storyteller, a marathon runner, a woman who gives the kids the last scoop, a dreamer of big dreams. When he asked her to marry him after more years than she cares to remember, she asked if he was kidding. Welcome to our family.

45 x 365 #24

24/365 - RM

In high school, my father called you Blabbermouth. It was mean, but kind of true. You talked so much! But something happened and now when we talk, I have to pry words out of you. What happened? Please come back to me, talking the talk.

45 x 365 #23

23/365 - DK

Your daughters got married and I was there. Your daughter gave birth and I was there. So imagine my surprise on the day of my own wedding when you walked up to me and introduced yourself, beginning with, "I don't think we've met before, but. . ."

Down with Culpepper

For those of you who have been reading for awhile or have ever had the honor of having a discussion about professional sports with me, you know that my happiness is, in some small way, tied to the performance of certain Detroit teams, including, sadly, the Lions.

The dismal performance of the Lions this year has their current record standing at a pathetic 0-10. They are the ONLY team in the NFL to have exactly zero wins this year. My heart rends a little each time someone makes a "toothless Lions" or "terrible Lions" joke. Alas, these commnets come too frequent for me to take too seriously.

So many personnel changes have occurred this season. There was the firing on the super unpopular GM, and a series of quarterback changes from Kitna (injured) to Orlovsky to Stanton (ummm...who?). Now, mind you, I witness all this from afar because the Lions suck so bad, they are never shown on national television. I read articles, I joke with friends back home, and every week I see my boys in blue on the Sunday night football blooper reel.

Imagine my pain when I read that Daunte Culpepper (read here and here for my hatred of the man) was in negotiations with the Lions. And when he actually suited up and began playing for the team, I was devastated. Now I am torn. I really want the Lions to win at least ONE game this season. I really don't want to have to root for Culpepper.

What does a girl do?

45 x 365 #22

22/365 - TG

You were the first one I met and you made it so easy. You're so caring and charismatic that I never once floundered for conversation. You're the only one I know who can solve a Rubik's Cube. You listen to Rush, but I love you anyway.

45 x 365 #21

21/365 - RG

The wood floors creaked and you wouldn't rest until your dear husband fixed them. You spent an entire evening discussing the catastrophe of mixing the variegated and non-variegated plants. You wash your hands eight times an hour. Your OCD is so insane it exhausts me.

45 x 365 #20

20/365 - EE

Remember that hostel? You reserved us spots, we fought about who had to sleep near the stranger. The morning found us curled up in the same bed, huddling for warmth and safety. We walked around the city, laughed, and never went back to that hostel.

45 x 365 #19

19/365 - CS

He enlisted in the military in a time of war. We rolled our eyes, not so quietly whispering about his stupidity. When his regiment was called to Afghanistan, we wished him well and continued to ask ourselves what he was thinking. We never actually asked.

45 x 365 #18

18/365 - TC

At thirteen, I thought you were going to die. Now you're a wife and a mother and I can't imagine what would have happened if they couldn't bring you out of that coma. Sometimes you seem so sad on the phone. Remember that we need you.

45 x 365 #17

17/365 - TB

You're a doting father and a consummate professional businessman. You watch NASCAR, follow the sad, sad plight of the Lions, but turn your nose up at the Redwings and the Tigers. You and I weren't meant to be because I was never your first priority.

45 x 365 #16

16/365 - GS

You loaned me a blue leather dress that night. Moms shouldn't even own clothes like that. But when some drunk guys tried to undo the zipper that night, you knew I would take great pleasure in both the attention and the kicking in the balls.

45 x 365 #15

15/365 - SL

I used to be jealous of you - your friends, your intelligence, and ability to get the readings done on time. Then, in a quiet reflective moment, you let your secret slip. You're sometimes jealous of me - my friends, family, work. We are kindred spirits.

A conversation and some lists

NGS: If the Obama girls are getting a puppy, I think we should get one, too.
BB: You didn't have to live through two years of a presidential campaign.
NGS: Yes I did!! I lived in the U.S. when all that was going down! Where's my puppy?

***************************************
Things that are impossible to do with one hand:
1) Floss. I've tried, but...it's just not working.
2) Take a shower. This leaves me with baths, which I dislike intensely. Who wants to sit in their own dirty water? I've never understood this and I still don't.
3) Slice, dice, or in any way prepare my own meals. This means that yesterday I actually made the boy touch wheat bread to prepare me a PB&J sandwich for my lunch.
4) Make the bed. Our comforter is heavier than you might think.
5) Write legibly. I think teaching in the next month is going to be rather challenging.
6) Clean and/or put away dishes. The boy has had his housekeeping duties doubled. Typically he cooks and I do dishes, but not these days.
7) Eat at a nice restaurant. I more shovel food onto my fork these days than eat like a normal, civilized human being. There are some comedic moments.
8) Wear that purple dress I just bought at Bluefly. It is not the same shade of purple as my cast AND the sleeves, the long sought after sleeves, are too tight for my cast to fit over.
9) Do laundry. Look, I have a complicated system and I don't want to defend it to someone else by explaining all the steps. But I fear I'm going to have to explain it all to the boy at some point in the next month. Argh. I can't carry the baskets up and down the stairs or sort the clothes as they come out of the washer. I am sad.
10) Ride my bike.

Things that are hard, but not impossible to do with one hand:
1) Put on bras, necklaces, and belts. This involves lots of screaming for the boy to come help me.
2) Reverse the truck. I was never a good driver to begin with. Things have gotten worse.
3) Use a computer mouse. Right clicking? Really? Fortunately my laptop at home has a touchpad, so it's really only a problem at school.
4) Clean. I can dust the floorboards, wipe off the table, and generally declutter, but I can't scrub or even vacuum. Please don't come to our apartment in the next month. It will be messy.
5) Type. My right arm gets tired and my left elbow, which was banged around in the accident, too, gets sore easily. It has taken me more than two days to type this post.
6) Shave armpits. Maybe this is TMI, but I was proud of my system to accomplish this task.
7) Take a bath without a certain someone hovering over me, sure that I am going to fall into the water and get my cast wet. Or break another bone.
8) Play with a baby. I managed, but only because the child was more interested in pounding on my cast than actually playing a game involving activity in my part.
9) Teach classes. Round about hour four of teaching today and my arm was officially done.
10) Pump gas. Fortunately, I don't think I'll have to do it again before the cast comes off.

For those of you who think I am pretty nonplussed by the whole broken bone thing, I have to say you wouldn't think I was so nonchalant if you were my dear, long-suffering husband. There have been more tears shed this past week in our apartment than I care to think about. But I have to keep telling myself that it's temporary. Plus, to be honest, it doesn't hurt that much. Nothing compared to the broken rib or kidney stone. In the past seven days, I've taken a total of six Aleve as my pain management strategy. So, if you're going to break a bone in your hand, the fifth metacarpal isn't a bad one to break!!

45 x 365 #14

14/365 - AV

Your quick wit is something a lot of folks miss; it's an understated humor that quickly forces me into giggles at most of our meetings. I look forward to your name on in incoming email, knowing that what lies ahead for me is sheet hilarity.

45 x 365 #13

13/365 - TR

You cried when we had to evict that lady with three kids out of the shelter. You held my hand as we watched that baby take his first steps in that same shelter. You raise your own babies now, knowing they'll never see that shelter.

My Cast is Purple

When I called to make a follow-up appointment for my hand, I was shocked when the receptionist, as she clarified the nature of the nature of the appointment, referred to it as a "surgical consult." I may have freaked the fuck out. WTF? I'll just let it heal on its own, thank you.

So I was delighted when the PA came in to the room and declared the break to be the best break you could have in a hand. The doctor came in and seconded that, saying it was in a place with good blood flow and would heal quickly. In about four weeks. Of an immobile hand. So, I was fitted for a cast and the "Master Caster" as the PA dubbed herself, did an excellent job. Just call it the purple people eater.




Maybe I don't have to say this, but typing is difficult. Not impossible, but relatively difficult. I'm going to attempt to post pretty regularly, at the very least keeping up with the 45 x 365 posts, but I wouldn't expect too much out of me if I were a loyal reader!!

45 x 365 #12

12/365 - AS

I never met a sweeter soul who could talk about existentialism for quite so long. Your hair was always mussed. I never saw you go longer than five minutes without grabbing it in the frustrated manner of Doc Brown. May you be peaceful at last.

45 x 365 #11

11/365 - SJ

You made me laugh, made me reexamine some of my long held beliefs, including the acceptability of grape jelly, and then you took off without paying for rent, leaving us begging for money. We put all your stuff on the balcony, including the grape jelly.

Huh.

Well, two days after the bike accident of stupidity, the boy managed to convince me to go to Urgent Care. Now I have some delicious x-rays and a cast to house my broken hand. The same hand I have been telling everyone was just sprained. Oh, I am an all-star.

45 x 365 #10

10/365 - BA

A child in a snowsuit, bundled up against the cold, waiting for the school bus. A young girl, swinging her flute back and forth, waiting for the school bus. A young woman, dressed in a skirt and knee-high boots, waiting for her date to arrive.

Civic duty: check

I took my hobbled self over to the polling place and cast my ballot for the third time for Al Franken. If Coleman wins this race, I'm going to be mightily pissed off and all those checks I wrote for the Franken campaign will all be for nought. Oh, and I voted in this other race too. You know, because I was there...

45 x 365 #9

9/365 - JE
Within that beautiful dancer's body hides the shattered soul of a child. At every gathering, there is one drunk everyone else avoids and you are that person. I want to hold your hand and fix your heart, but I too just walk away, avoiding.

Once an idiot...

I forgot I had to teach tonight. I raced home, pissed off at myself for being so forgetful. I scarfed dinner, made the boy put air in my bike tires, and flew out the door.

I went eight blocks before I did a dumb thing* and ended up flying over my bike and landing hard on my right hand and left elbow. I type this entry now in the hunt and peck manner I haven't used since I was ten. I can't move my right hand without severe pain, although a phone call to my father-in-law, Doc, put the boy's mind to rest that it's probably not broken. We won't discuss the beautiful colors on my legs.

Some kind woman named Shelly stopped her SUV and sat with me while I made the requisite sobbing phone calls to my job and my husband. She also procured BandAids and an ice pack (!) from her car. Thank you, Shelly.

I spent the rest of the night watching Warren Sapp on Dancing with the Stars (he's adorable!) and forcing my husband to do things like take off my bra and make me tea and listen to me whine about how it hurts to move my hand.

Note: stop doing dumbass things on your bike.

*No, it wasn't texting while biking. I haven't been riding much and I'm just plain out of practice doing some really basic things. I was slowing down and going to turn, so I was attempting to signal that I was turning to the car behind me and I accidentally hit the front brake to slow down instead of the back brake and then I was jolted forward unexpectedly, causing me push harder on the front brake and then, shit, I'm going over the handlebars. It was no one's fault but my own andI feel really, really, really dumb. And in pain.

45 x 365 #8

8/365 - MK

When you were younger, the family spoke of you in hushed, reverent tones. You married that man and the tone changed to annoyance and embarrassment. You raise his children, but not your own, crawl alone into bed every night, and dream a dream long past.

45 x 365 #7

7/365 - PH

When you talk to someone, you always look behind them, seeking out someone who can help you further your cause more than the person with whom you are speaking. An activist, you alienate people because you never focus on the person in front of you.

The World According to Wordle

The above is a Wordle I did with the last 100 entries here. It is a bit worrisome that the word baby gets more attention than the word husband. Baby Gap and I need to have a small discussion.

Click here for a bigger version of the Wordle.

45 x 365 #6

6/365 - EK

She's birdlike, fragile looking and twitchy, but hearty and strong despite her stature and quiet voice. Her thoughts, ideas, and flashes of insight make it terrifying to hold a conversation with her because there's no way to add anything meaningful once she's spoken her mind.