The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

I am the kind of person who enjoys being outside. I love taking my dog for walks. I even enjoy when it's rainy or snowy because then it's like Hannah and I are the ONLY creatures who are around.  I like walking through woods, I like hiking nature trails, I like sitting on a beach and drawing pictures in the sand. I like watching the trees bud, bloom, and lose their leaves.  But you know what I don't like? Camping.  I don't like doing those awesome outdoor activities and then going back to a tent all dirty and sweaty and being unable to shower thoroughly. I don't like fixing food over a primitive campfire. I don't like sleeping where I can hear the raccoons and opossums scurry around.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang felt like camping to me. It has all the hallmarks of a book I should love, but I just don't.  Stella is a professional woman whose parents want her to get married and start having babies. Stella is uncomfortable with physical intimacy and her experiences with sex have been negative.  She decides that she should hire an expert, a male escort, to teach her about the physical side of relationships. Entire Michael. The love story continues.

This is an important "own voices" book, in that Hoang and Stella both have autism.  It tells the story of how many women try to cover up their symptoms and "blend' with society.  Stella is articulate about her feelings and how she reacts to situations. That is not my problem with this  particular book.

My problem is that is relies on way too many cliches, including my absolute least favorite: the whole book would be 50 pages if the characters just had an honest conversation. Now, I understand that Stella not telling everyone she meets about her autism is part of who she is and she does it so that people don't treat her differently.  I get that. But as soon as Michael suspects something is up, why doesn't he say something? Same deal with why Stella doesn't confront Michael about his last name.  I just really can't deal with this type of cliche. 

Let's talk about character cliches, then, why don't we?  While Stella is a bit quirky and easily overwhelmed by sensory distractions*, she's also gorgeous (eats whatever she wants and remains super thin!), has a trust fund, and loves her nerdy job.  Michael is so handsome with his eight-pack abs (we do see him workout, though, because of course romance novel dudes are gym rats), he loves the same types of movies Stella does, and he understand the female form because he's a clothes designer (he's straight, though).  I just...can't.  There's nothing memorable about these characters and they're just caricatures of what members of the opposite sex want, rather than well-developed characters who seem real.

So in the end I don't really know what to say about this book.  It's not for me, but it may very well be for you.  Lots of people love it.

*Every single time I read one of these types of books, I start googling about sensory processing disorders and I'm pretty sure I have self-diagnosed myself and then talked myself out of the self-diagnosis.  There's a checklist that I've consulted maybe a half a dozen times in the last couple of years and I don't score high enough to consult on it.  That being said, how do people have music going and listen to what's going on at a party or restaurant? Doesn't the sound of the television at the dentist office drive everyone insane?  Does anyone enjoy the perfume section of a department store?  Who would choose to wear confining clothes if a sundress is on offer?