Friday, December 04, 2009

Things I Just Don't Get

Okay, enough doom and gloom on the top of my page. Let's talk about things I don't understand.

1) I use the same stall in the bathroom at work several times a day. I choose this stall because it's right next to a window, so it's often the first time I see the weather/sun/sky for several hours. The door of the stall also has an awesome graffiti dog drawn on it. The dog takes up the entire door. If it were a real dog, it would be an Irish Wolfhound. Frankly, the graffiti at our school is awesome. So I like this stall. But the thing is that the toilet paper holder thingmajig comes off the wall every time I use it. And each time, I am taken by surprise, jump up, say a certain word that I would make my students do ten push ups if I heard them say in a school bathroom, and get pissed at myself for not remembering that this would happen. What's my deal?

2) People who say they don't like dogs/cats/other people's pets. What? You don't like ALL cats? You've never met my (borrowed) cat. If you met her, you'd like cats. (I personally hate don't really like rabbits, but when someone tells me that they have a pet rabbit, I ask the usual pet-related questions and don't pass judgment. Maybe someday I will meet a rabbit I don't think would be better suited for my risotto instead of pethood. Okay, fine. I do pass judgment. But I am mad at myself for it.)

3) Why the women's Cuddle Duds long underwear pants (the Target brand) have a crotch down to my knees. I mean, seriously. I'm not packing a penis down there, why is there so much extra fabric in them? (Yep. I pulled out the long underwear. It got cold here this week. Brrrr.)

4) The layout of our local Barnes and Noble. I go there weekly. I am not terribly bright, but I'm hardly the dumbest person out there, so how come I can't find the section with the books I want? Ever. Every week I'm trudging to the customer service desk to ask. I'm almost a little embarrassed at this point. Maybe I should switch to a new bookstore? Or just start going to the bookstore without a list, wander about aimlessly and pick books off the shelf?

5) People who don't like parades. I don't get it. Maybe it's my marching band geekiness coming through, but I love parades. I love the music and cheesy floats and the kids sitting on shoulders. I love firetrucks, I love awesome cool cars that idle faster than the parade moves that need to have their brakes on the entire time. I love the candy being thrown. I love the community involved in a large-group activity that doesn't involve chanting or commercing. I love the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I love stumbling on parades during festivals in small towns during the summer. I love the depravity of a good St. Patrick's Day parade. I love the Holidazzle Parade held in downtown Minneapolis every weekend night in December. People who don't like parades? They are usually not my friends.


  1. You should come to Mardi Gras one year if you love parades that much! or even St. Patrick's here-

    you wind up leaving both with lots of loot- and the marching bands that come to new orleans for mardi gras are amazing!

  2. I have the same giant-crotch issue in tights. I would like the crotch to start somewhere above my knees, please, and I would like the waist to be short enough that I don't have to tuck the extra fabric into my bra.

    And parades? I LOVE parades. I live for the Holidazzle and my hometown's Pan-o-Prog (Panorama of Progress) parade with the marching band and the horses and the little kids on floats. LOVE IT.


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