Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sunshine, rainbows, and Pollyannas

Do you ever place this game?

I never thought I would get married.

I never thought I would be ridiculously, stupidly, happily married.

I never thought I would be happy living in a big(ish) city.

I never thought, once I got married, I'd be able to convince the man I married that we should have a cat in our home.

I never thought I would be the fat one in my relationship.

I never thought I would feel such extreme honor to be chosen as a godparent for a child.

I was starting to think the Lions would never win again. (Sorry Washington, but I'm glad it finally happened!)

I never thought I would be one of those people who rides their bikes to work and gets frustrated when she has to drive in the car at all.

I never thought that TJC would still be living at home with her parents.

I never thought that my bestest friend would really marry that loser, really have a baby with him, and then really go through with the divorce.

I never thought I'd be happy to talk to my father on the phone.

I never thought I would look forward to seeing my students every class period.

I never thought that I would be the optimistic one in a relationship.

I never thought I could be this happy.

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It's true. Our lives are in turmoil right now. So much is changing. So much is up in the air. When I look in the future, I can't see anything except me holding my husband's hand in one of my hands and holding a dog leash in the other.

There was a time when this uncertainty would have killed me. Made me miserable every second of the day.

But now. Now it is different. Every day is a miracle. (Oh, my god, I think I just threw up a little.) Every good night kiss eases the tension. Every time the cat runs between my legs, scares the bejeebies out of me, and makes me drop (and break!) the plate, it makes me laugh. Every crisp cool fall morning is a reminder that every day is a new beginning worth having.

Sometimes what I write seems negative or sad or even mean. It isn't how I am. Okay, fine, I am a bit bitchy sometimes (what IS so hard about merging?), but I've been lucky my whole life. Life has a way of making things work out.

So when I get down? When I start to get really annoyed that construction is a nightmare, that my students won't shut up, that our car is kind of ridiculous for driving around the city, for the uncertainty that is the job market, for the uncertainty of our living situation, don't take me seriously.

I'm a happy camper.

5 comments:

  1. Gosh, that sounds sort of familiar. Except for the whole married-relationship bits. But the bit about being a happy camper. Me too.

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  2. This is my outlook 99.999% of the time. I am an eternal optimist and I am always grateful for the littlest things in my life. I've found that it has kept me level headed AND I am a pretty happy person most of the time.

    I'm glad you are a happy camper. It makes me happy to read this post! I smiled big for you! :)

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  3. I have a post just like this sitting in my drafts folder. I'm so glad you're happy! It's ok to be bitchy sometimes (perhaps they could press the GAS pedal occasionally?) because if you didn't have those days, you wouldn't appreciate the good ones as much!

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  4. Great post! In the grand scheme of things, all the worst annoyances are just that. You have the big picture in perspective, and that is wonderful to see.

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  5. I LOVE THIS POST. It made me feel all glowy inside.

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