Friday, March 27, 2009

Stabby

It wasn't meant to hurt my feelings. Carelessly spoken, an offhand comment meant to convey information, but not to hurt. But it really did. A sharp immediate hurt through my heart. I knew, almost immediately, that I would roll those words around in my mind for the foreseeable future. I would try and figure out what I could have done differently, what I could have said differently, to avoid those words.

Intellectually I know that I should let it go. Place it my palms, breathe in deeply, and expel it into the ether.

Emotionally I can't do that. I just keep hearing those words.

Now I have blocked myself off. He knows there's something wrong, but I can't explain it. I can't explain why those words, among all the others spoken, echo in my mind. I can't explain why I silently look at him, becoming monosyllabic and withdrawn.

I will, before too long, shed a few tears quietly and let it go. But even once I do that, I will have to accept that mistakes have been made, my judgment is not as sharp as I once thought, and love is an amorphous thing with ever changing boundaries.

4 comments:

  1. It is so hard to let go of thoughtless things that hurt us, particularly if we love the person who spoke them.

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  2. It's difficult to replay a conversation over and over in our heads. Especially, when it's one where our feelings are hurt. You are right in that you need to let it go, but at the same time if it is something that has hurt you, it's okay to feel those hurt feelings. I find that when I try to force myself to get over something I only make it worse. But if I let myself feel it I can get over it faster.

    I hope you feel better soon. :)

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  3. Oopps, meant to say difficult Not To :)

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  4. Men can be really careless. I hope you get over the hurt soon.

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