Tomorrow is three days later!

Hi. When normal people get a cold, they may stay in bed for a couple of days, feel pretty lousy, but then return to their normal lives. When I get a cold, I am out of commission for two weeks. Fortunately, this getting a cold thing couldn't have happened at a better time in terms of actual commitments of my time, but it still sucks because it means I haven't done anything that I really wanted to, including updating here regularly and prepping for my class next semester or for the training that I have to start next weekend.

Today I feel semi-normal and I am hoping it will be the last day that I am housebound. And it better be because I have to resume normalish activities starting tomorrow.

I think I'm going to briefly spell out the evangelical Christian story, but not go into details because it alternately makes me livid or deeply sad and I can't really figure out which it will be today, so I'll keep it short.

I had a friend in high school. She was very religious, but she understood that I was not. I respected her beliefs, she respected mine. It was a very comforting relationship, two girls from abusive homes growing up in small town America where everyone knew, but no one did anything. We walked down the aisle together at graduation. We played the same instrument in the marching band (which can be a surprisingly bonding experience). We maintained contact after high school. She got married and now has two beautiful children.

And then one day she hated me. I don't know why. Some people think she's jealous of my lifestyle. Some people say I must have said something, unthinkingly and unknowingly, that somehow insulted her. It's a mystery, even, especially, to me.

So our group of high school friends got together. There were children. There were hugs and tears. For an hour I listened to this "friend" say things about me and my life. Not one of them was untrue. It was the value judgment behind each mild criticism that threw me for a loop. No, I don't have a full-time job. I have two part-time jobs, health insurance, and a heavy volunteer schedule. Yes, I am living with a man I am not married to. So did half the people in this room at one point. No, I don't go to church. No, I don't believe in God. But I do believe you should be nice to other people. No, I don't have children. I am not married yet. No, we're not planning on having children. Maybe in another five or ten years? Yes, I voted for Al Gore and John Kerry. And would do it all over again. Yes, I have marched in several rallies calling to impeach Bush. I would do it all over again. Yes, I'm proud of my education. It's been years in the making. I don't feel that because I went to school some deserving child didn't get to go.

Eventually she stormed off when I told her that I felt we should stop talking about why my life was awful in front of the children. She told one of my other friends that I should be ashamed of myself. And that she never wants to see me again. I wish her well in future, with her beautiful children, and her understanding husband.

My other friends gathered round and told me that they she overreacted. That I had done nothing that they hadn't wanted to do. That I had said nothing they hadn't wanted to say. I didn't say it harshly. I am defensive because I've never had a relationship end quite so abruptly before and I feel like I have done something wrong.

That night I cried for the loss of that friendship. But it wasn't much of a friendship at all.