Monday, January 10, 2005

Hello New England!!

I really just excerpted this out of an email I sent to my Bestest Friend. So some of it might not make a lot of sense.

Ummm...I so want to play the karaoke game (a game for XBox on karaoke). I am seriously considering flying into Columbus this weekend just so I can play it. Or not really seriously, but how do they come up with this stuff? I think the best thing would be to know how bad you have to be to get booed off. I have no need to be the "best" and get the "highest score." How do you get the LOWEST score? That's an achievement I would be proud to put on my resume.

So this weekend has more stories in it than all of Christmas break. I'm not sure if that's a statement on Christmas break or on this weekend, but whatever. all started Thursday night. I stayed at Biker Boy's so that one of his friend's could come pick us up bright and early on Friday. And so BB is not a morning person. Some have said he's a bit surly in the morning. Surly Biker Boy. And they are so not kidding.

We get the airport and check in and must go to the B terminal. Now, let me explain the B terminal of the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport to you. Maybe I have already. It's soooooo far away. You take a tram to the end of the line and then walk on some moving sidewalks and then down an escalator and then some more moving sidewalks. Then you break for a rest because you're exhausted and have successfully walked to Canada. Then you walk and walk for another five hours and the B terminal mysteriously arises!! You're in Alaska, but it's the B terminal of the MInneapolis-St. Paul airport!!

We're flying the same shitty airline I flew over Thanksgiving. Their main hub is in Milwaukee. Fucking Milwaukee. Of course that's where our layover is. Fucking Milwaukee. Did I mention there's no entertainment in B terminal? I feel like I made these same complaints over Thanksgiving. Not a single vendor in B terminal, not a single tv tuned to CNN (America's Most Trust News Channel), not a single thing for someone who is as flighty as me to do. So I torment my surly boyfriend. He has brought a huge, giant, 700-page book to read. He opens it and I lament my lack of entertainment. He is unsympathetic. "You're smart. Use your brain. Be entertained." Huh. I'm smart? I was unaware.

But, don't worry. It's okay because soon Stella arrives. Stella's a cute little girl; I'd say she's about three or four. She's with her daddy. Or 'Addy cuz that's what she calls him and I think that's fucking adorable. She's going to 'waukee to visit her grandma and grandpa who have a new kitten. 'Addy is on his cell phone and says, "there was a problem when Ducky and Bunny had to go through security, but we made it through." Stella is excited about going on the plane and keeps yelling, "May I go on the plane now?!" Yelling. I'm laughing. Surly Biker Boy is glaring.

Surly Biker Boy decides he needs to go to the bathroom. And then they start boarding the plane. And the whole plane is loaded and BB isn't back yet. Hee. We held up the entire plane.

I'm going to skip over the flying part because BB is not a happy plane person and I am going to pretend that any flying over this trip never really happened. I did get a chance to read Eats, Shoots and Leaves, though, and laughed and laughed and laughed. This laughing did not help improve relations with Surly Morning, Hates Plane Travel Biker Boy, but it amused me.

Anyway, we survive fucking Milwaukee and get to Hartford. All's well (our luggage was actually on the luggage carousel before we got there!!). We wander around, trying to figure out the strangest airport in the world. Where's the car rental place? Where or where could it be? Heee. We finally catch a shuttle to Enterprise where we are given a Chevy Alero. What's a Chevy Alero? I don't know. I'd never seen one before. It's tiny and cute and ours was blue. I immediately look over at Biker Boy (who is no longer surly and who is so excited to be off planes, he's smiling again) and grin. He's going to have to drive a girl car. Hee. I jump in to drive and immediately name her Alice. Unsurly Biker Boy says, "she's a girl?" And I say, "it's light blue and really tiny." He nods. Alice it is.

Biker Boy had printed off directions from mapquest on how to get to our hotel from the airport. It was seamless. Did you notice how all of that went smoothly? It's a pattern. This whole trip went smoothly. No travel problems at all. Amazing.

Check into the hotel. Big bed.

Biker Boy has had half a donut all day. We ask the front desk for some places to eat. Alas, Biker
Boy must have gluten-free food. This is not an easy task. We end up at a dive where we order omelets. They sucked. I ate mine like I hadn't eated in weeks. Biker Boy eats about three and a half bites. Suddenly I become obssessed with BB's caloric intake. "YOU NEED TO EAT." "LAY OFF, MOM."

We get back to the hotel where we watch football bloopers on ESPN classsic. Erock calls and we set off for our first New England adventure. I let BB drive. Hee. We drove and drove and we met Erock and her man at Friendly's in Wochester, MA (this is pronounced Wusster - seriously, it's like the 'ch' just doesn't exist - huh?). We ate. BB actually ate a fair amount and I was happy to note that. Again, "lay off, mom" was heard. BB endeared himself to Erock and her man by making a Family Guy reference that had everyone at the table laughing and laughing.

Then I drove back to the hotel. Big bed. Asleep.

This could go on and on and I realize it's pretty long already. The wedding was lovely. The bride was beautiful and the groom was well-coiffed. See, the groom is known for constantly running his finger through his hair in spurts of concentration and pulling at his hair. I had never seen him with his hair so incredibly well done. Shocking. It was a really beautiful Catholic church with scary pictures of Jesus on the cross all over the place and they had the reception at a place called St. Clement's Castle and if you google it, you'll see it's fucking gorgeous. Alas, it rained all day. So we never got to go on the grounds. But we did get to dance and Biker Boy does well with white boy dancing. And we had the best food ever. I've never had such good food at a wedding. Filet mignon. Did I mention that I had NO IDEA that the two folks getting married came from MONEY? There was a bus that drove us to the church and the castle and back to the hotel, so when we got back we just went to Wendy's and then we went to bed. The big bed.

We woke up and returned the car and got to the airport and had to sit in terminal for a bit. This terminal also had no entertainment. But I was able to get food, so I was content. Blah, blah, fly to 'waukee and we get there and realize that neither of us had made plans on how we were going to get home from the airport. We grab our cell phones and start calling everyone we know. Alas, no one is answering their cell phones. We get no ride. We end up taking the train to a bus (the famous 21!!) and then we get to Biker Boy's. I run into his place to get my car keys and then hotfoot it away from there as fast as I can. I mean, spending the better part of four days with a person can be exhausting.

And that's that. I ate at yet another fast food restaraunt. I came in to my apartment, glared at my roommate and her boyfriend, and unpacked.

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