1. I recruited a friend to be my co-worker. Did I ever tell this story? I had a friend in book club who was looking for a job and I told her to apply to my office and she did and now her office is across the hall from mine. She's sick. And things are not going well for her. On Wednesday she was admitted to the ICU and I feel like it was stuff with my mom all over again. Anyway, she's probably going to be fine, right?
2. I used to listen to a podcast called Let's Go To Court. It was two women who had been friends since they were in elementary school discussing true crime cases. But the podcast ended and so did the friendship. One of the hosts has a new podcast with her husband called An Old Timey Podcast and at the end of an episode they discussed how hard it was to lose that friendship. She said that in many ways ending that friendship was harder than if she had ended her marriage and I think that's right. When you get divorced, people around you rally around. When a friendship ends, no one really knows. Anyway, I've been thinking about this because I recently took someone off my holiday card list because I hadn't heard from them in a long time and it was clear they have broken up with me, but I don't know why.
3. Yesterday when I walked Hannah in the morning, it was rainy and about 44 degrees (about 7 degrees Celsius). Not ideal, but it was fine. By the time I left work, it was 34 degrees and the temperatures were falling fast. By the time I walked her before bed, it was 19 degrees (about -7 Celsius). A winter weather advisory was issued for something called flash freeze, which is not a term I was familiar with, but some jackass on Reddit wrote "this is completely normal for living in the Midwest" and I'm over here going ???? in my brain. How have I ever never heard this term before?
4. Grades were posted Wednesday, so yesterday I spent the day following up with my students of concern to see how things were going. Most of the news was good and I was able to say congratulations and I'm proud of you. But the students who didn't do well. Ugh. I hate having those conversations.
5. I'm reading a book that has a lot of buzz and has been well-reviewed and I just don't like it. How long do I have to keep reading it?
Five Fun Things
1. Tonight we're going to the holiday light show at the local botanical garden with our friends. We do this every year and I'm excited about taking a little bit of fun time.
2. Sunday is the Winter Solstice! We have friends who have a Solstice Party every year where we go to their backyard and hang out around a campfire. It is a lovely time to see people we don't always see regularly and to remind myself that the days are going to get longer.
3. In January, I have blocked out days for me and Bestest Friend to hang out together. We haven't exactly planned what we're going to do yet, but it's on the calendar.
4.Speaking of Bestest Friend, I sent her a holiday card with some of my high school senior photos in it and she put those photos on the fridge. This made me laugh.
5. Did you all know Christmas is next week? And New Year's the week after? I'm super excited for time off and to get to hang out with my in-laws on Christmas Day.
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Are you familiar with flash freeze? Did you take anyone off the holiday card list this year? What holiday celebration are you most looking forward to in the next couple of weeks?
Those are really hard things, Engie. I'll be thinking about your friend and hoping the ICU visit is speedy and she makes a full and swift recovery.
ReplyDeleteI did take a few people off the holiday card list, but it wasn't any big heartache like leaving off a formerly dear friend. That IS hard. I remember a few years ago when my best friend and I nearly broke up over something I did that hurt her -- it was awful. I think I used that "last" holiday card to send her a heartfelt note about how sorry I was, how important she was to me, and how I would be there for her whether it took a month or a decade for her to forgive me. It took another few months but our relationship got back on track and it is once again a strong and stable element of my life. I don't know if that option is available to you at this point. If it's not, please know I partly understand that pain of losing a cherished friendship and I'm so sorry you're going through that.
I have never heard of a flash freeze in all my days. I am most excited for some down time with my family for nearly two weeks.
Bestest Friend and I had a rough patch when she was in a rough patch and it was hard for both of us. But, just like you, I kept extending olive branches and reaching out and letting her know I'd always be there for her. When the rough patch was over, we were better for having been through it.
DeleteInteresting that some people are saying flash freeze is common, but I'm relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who thinks this is some new weather phenomenon!
I was confused for awhile when you got to the temperatures because I had thought that I had been reading a blog by a Californian whom I think often does the five things. I got dropped by a fiend, and I don’t know why. It was long distance relationship in the end and basically became only birthday wishes, so it doesn’t matter much.
ReplyDeleteWell, this relationship had degenerated to just birthday/holiday wishes, but we used to be quite close. I was in her wedding party! So it feels bad to just let it go. But I guess that's the way things go.
DeleteOof- those hard things are definitely hard. Your friend is in the ICU? That's terrible, and very worrisome (but yes- let's assume she'll be fine). No, I've never heard of a flash freeze. That also sounds terrible.
ReplyDeleteGlad you have fun things to look forward to! And, I'm curious to know what this book is you're not liking. I suspect we'll get to hear all about it.
I suspect I should just DNF the book and read a plot summary. Hm. Maybe that's what I'll do. Then I can return it to the library so someone who actually wants to read it can.
DeleteWe definitely talk about flash freezes where I live in Canada! It's a familiar term here.
ReplyDeleteStop reading the book. Sometimes hype is misplaced but most of the times it's just a case of what works for one reader doesn't work for another. THAT IS PART OF THE MAGIC.
I'm really sorry to hear about your friend in the hospital and about a fractured relationship. You and those you love and care about have been through the wringer in 2025. Between my husband and I were are estranged from THREE siblings at this point and it sucks. None of the situations are bloggable and he and I are fully receptive to some sort of resolution (at this point, it it fully in the other people's courts and there is nothing we can do but wait) but it is sad and hard at this time of year when you WANT to be in touch with your siblings.
I actually had no qualms about taking my sister's name off the holiday card list. Ha! It was hard to erase the line with my mom's name, though. Ugh. It's the tiny cuts that add up, right? I'm sorry to hear about your own family drama. It does take some of the festiveness out of the holiday when it's in the back of your mind.
DeleteI'm so sorry about your friend in the ICU. May she heal quickly.
ReplyDeleteFriendship breakups are hard. I got ghosted by someone when I moved here, a friend from Calgary. We saw each other in person at least once or twice a week and we texted almost daily. It was really weird and hurtful.
When it comes to holiday cards, I take people off my list if they don't reciprocate. I used to give a year's grace but not anymore. The only exception is if I know someone is going through extenuating circumstances.
DNF! I have been trying to do that more. If you don't like it, DNF! I need to follow my own advice, but I did DNF something last week so I feel like I'm making baby steps.
I'm still upset you didn't send me those photos (at least I don't think you did...it hasn't arrived yet!) I love them! I will just enjoy them from afar!
You texted almost daily and she ghosted you?! WTF? Who does that?
DeleteI have people on my holiday card list who don't send cards at all and that's fine. I know that about them and it's okay. I still want to wish them happy holidays. But I also know those people don't send cards because I connect with them at non-holiday times, you know? If someone's on my list and they don't send us a card and I haven't talked with them all year, then they probably will get culled. *sigh* I hate it.
Yes, I think I will DNF and just read a quick plot summary of the book. I'm just not loving it!
I lost a longtime friend a couple of years ago. We had been friends since high school, but both of us grew in different ways, and after trying to reconnect I felt like I was putting most of the effort into the relationship and I confronted her with it. She responded saying she would have to think more about things before discussing anything, and I haven't heard from her since. I'm okay with it now but at the time it felt like being estranged from family--we'd known each other that long.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'm so sorry. Friendship breakups are so hard. On one hand, it was so long! On the other hand, if you had grown apart, maybe it's better for you to have time to devote to other people. I don't know. I guess that's me trying to be a silver lining on it.
DeleteThe term flash freeze is very familiar to me! I don't know exactly what it means, but I know it's bad news.
ReplyDeletePermission granted to put down the book that isn't doing it for you, as long as you tell us what it is.
I'm sending good vibes to your friend. As far as friendship breakups, they are kind of like books in that if you're spending time and energy on someone who isn't giving it back to you, it's crowding other people out of your life.
High school pictures! We should do a high school picture blogging round up!
I am doing to DNF the book! Yay! A decision has been made.
DeleteI got so many photos of myself when I was child when I was cleaning my mom's stuff out. My goal is to be able to do a photo a day during next year's NaBloPoMo! That means that I have ten months to go through the photos and organize them. That seems doable, right? And then NaBloPoMo would be fun and easy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend in the ICU. Hoping that she is able to go home soon. The friendship breakup sounds so hard, but it sounds like your best friend is a huge balm. Love the senior photos on the fridge and that you have some time planned together soon!
ReplyDeleteWe should really get things in gear and plan something for those days we have blocked off, though, shouldn't we?!
DeleteI also hope that your friend is out of the ICU and feeling MUCH better very soon. That is scary.
ReplyDeleteI was ghosted by someone that I considered one of my best friends, maybe 25 years ago. I have reached out a couple of times early on, but have given up. It still hurts. We were in each other’s weddings.
You have some excellent times coming up, with the lights and the solstice and Christmas. I’m glad for that. Around here, Ted will have 2 weeks off, Maya works Monday and then goes back in January, and I work until Christmas Eve, then have the rest of the year off. My coworkers have to work the week of New Year’s, but I took it off. I worked at a university for 2 years in the mid 90s, and loved having that time off. For us it was paid and not our vacation time, which was great. I also worked at hotels where I worked on Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day. I like having the time off fully paid better.
What sad and concerning news about your friend! And of course, when it's holiday time, that makes it even worse. I hope there is a good report on that front very soon.
ReplyDeleteI don't send Christmas cards, but I'm happy that I still get cards from friends and neighbours who have moved away. In a few cases we do exchange texts now and then, but I'm glad to hear from them at holiday time and get a bit of news. Once in a great while I get a burst of industry and send out cards, but it's been several years since I've done that.
As far as the Flash Freeze, I don't ever recall hearing that term before, either, and I've lived in Northeast Ohio my entire life (how I've survived it, I'll never, ever know). I think that meteorologists are using more terminology (bombogenesis, Alberta Clipper, polar vortex, etc) than they used to. Whether the terminology itself is new, I have no idea, but I can tell you that I don't recall hearing any of those terms before about 10-15 years ago, if that. Still, I am Old, so....
I'm familiar with flash freezes but only because I'm a weather nut. We went to the Rotary Botanical Garden Wednesday night and it was a much better experience than the last time we'd gone, two years earlier. Turns out a Wed. evening at 5:30 is MUCH less crowded than a Friday night at 8:00. We were able to stroll around at our leisure and even stopped for sushi in Janesville after. I think this will be our plan every year from now on.
ReplyDeleteI also had not heard the term flash freeze, just like atmospheric river was new to me last year. Those meteorologists come up with such good terms! I haven't had a big explosive breakup with a friend, but I've been ghosted a couple of times. I'm inclined to just let them go with no ill will, even if it makes me sad. I hope your work friend will be OK.
ReplyDeleteFriendship break ups are so hard especially because there is no formal recognition of the relationship and it’s hard to give the situation the appropriate due. I hope your friend in the ICU recovers quickly so you can go back to enjoying working with a friend.
ReplyDeleteYou have some fun things coming up. I love outdoor light walks at this time of year. We are going to the zoo lights next week and I’m looking forward to it.
Yes, some friendships end, sometimes without even a goodbye...but some friends put your pics on the fridge. Fridge pic friends ftw.
ReplyDeleteI had a conversation with someone at OTF this morning about all these weather terms - atmospheric river, arctic blast, flash freeze, etc. I grew up in ND and never heard the term flash freeze. I see many have heard of it but it was a first for me. I stupidly left the house in just a sweatshirt to go to OTF and then I went to chipotle and then my therapy appt and by the time I left therapy the ‘flash freeze’ had arrived. And I was so cold and was glad I had the Rav 4 with heated seated and driving wheel!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about the friend in the hospital. That is very concerning and far too familiar for you sadly. I hope she feels better and gets out of the hospital very soon!! And friendship shifts and breakups are hard. Often there is no discussion and people just fade.
I need to know what the buzzy book is! I know you read and loved The Correspondent so at least I don’t have to worry it’s that! That is a book that I can’t hear any criticism about.
Happy to hear you have some lovely things happening this weekend Engie--I've passed on the light show and solstice gathering this year, but look forward to hearing about yours! Your HS pics are adorable and your BFF rightly treasures them. Sorry about the other friend, perhaps they're not right for you anymore. You are such a good friend... I'm so affected by how you found your book club friend a job!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the coworker. Sending prayers of healing her way. How great that you connected her to that job.
ReplyDeleteI've lived in Chicago most of my life and I think this year is the first time I've heard of a flash freeze or whatever. You are not alone.
I love the high school pics on the fridge. My bestie's dad cut my photo out of the newspaper when I was in high school and hung the article on the bathroom wall in front of the toilet, so when I visited and used the facilities I saw it. It was pretty clever.
That best friend is no longer in communication with me. Sad. We'd been so close for so very long. In fact, I still send a card to her parents. She tired of hearing about how my family of origin treated me and wanted me to sever all ties with them. When I didn't, she severed them with me. She didn't have children and struggled to understand how it didn't feel right to cut my children off from their grandparents. My folks weren't monsters, but I was glossed over a ton and there was so much favoritism. It can still frustrate me, but thankfully my children see it now and they see how nutty my sisters are, etc. and that validation has gone a long way. I've not cut my sisters off of my mailing list - but come close. I suspect that day will come. Neither of my sisters recognizes the adoption - never ask how things are going or inquire how, say the girls' like their new school, etc. Pretty standard, low risk stuff. Just basic manners. Whatever - my offspring see it as psycho seeing as our adoption shouldn't be something they take personally.
When we had the horrible misfortune of having to sue our school district (and we really were given no chance), we saw people's true colors. Majority of people who know us and so many people we hadn't seen in years and years, reached out to show their support - so those that were crappy really stood out. I continue to send cards to most people on our list. If someone has drifted out of our lives and we don't hear from them, I might remove them - but in general, I continue to keep them on the list because sometimes I use Christmas card in order to stay connected to people we don't see often.
Hi this is Daria from NJ.
ReplyDeleteMay your friend recover quickly.
I lost a few friends actually.
One was S, part of our sister-friend group (only 5 people total). She exited the group saying we don’t invite her to things -which was completely untrue. But, she was 70, and that may have been the reason. Not to be ageist, but I’m 45, H is 48, F is 52, and Barb is 58. So we let her go.
Another is my polish friend whom I visited in Poland twice, but she just stopped keeping in touch. I felt it was too one-sided and let her go, too. But I am feeling sad, for sure.
We do not send Christmas cards, at all.
Yes, I am glad your friend shared your photos on her fridge because I really wanted to see your highschool photos after you mentioned them in your post the other day. You look the same, just with longer hair :)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about the hard things. I mean, things happen. I also had to take someone of the Christmas card list because it's just not been reciprocated... and it's sad, but then I also got a random message from someone recently who I had lost touch with and it was a reminder that sometimes "break ups" are no intentional, just temporary.
I hope your friend/new coworker will be ok.