New Baby
Burp cloths and a rattle for the baby, something indulgent for the mom (this may be a scarf, a candle, a dozen cookies, or a bottle of fancy lotion depending on the lady).
Baptism
Personalized baby block and personalized storybook
Birthdays
If my niblings throw a party, I try to get them a fun gift and a book. If they don't have a party, I send a check for $25. For adult birthday parties, I usually throw some chocolate in a gift bag and call it good.
New home
Personalized address stamp
Wedding/wedding shower/baby shower
I just buy off the registry. Look, sometimes you just have to give people what they want. If it's a wedding we attend and we send a big gift ahead of time, I frequently buy a personalized Christmas ornament (first Christmas!) so I don't show up emptyhanded.
Housewarming
This is a bit more challenging, but it depends on how well I know someone. Can they keep a plant alive? If so, they get a plant. If not, they get some nice dish towels for the kitchen because you can never have too many dish towels. I have also started to give folks LED candles because they bring me so much joy in my own house.
Random office gifts
You know the gifts I'm talking about - so and so just had a baby, so and so is retiring, our student worker is graduating, it's National Custodian Appreciation Day, whatever - I give $20 - $30 depending on what's in my wallet.
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Okay, here's why I started writing this all out. Because I am in a real pickle now. My niece is now 18. She is graduating from high school and her open house is (consults calendar) in two weeks. Typically for high school graduates I give an LL Bean backpack if the person is going to go to college and $150 or $250 if they are not going to college/training.
Is that okay for my niece? Should we be giving more as the DINK aunt and uncle? Should we give something else? This is setting the bar for what we give all the other nieces and nephews for when they graduate, so I feel like we have to get it right.
Oh, and what about birthdays? Do I still send her a birthday card with a $25 check? Just a card? What do you do when your niblings start growing up?!
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If you don't want to delve into my graduation present angst, do you have go to gifts for different occasions?
If she doesn't already have a good backpack, LL Bean is a great idea. My kids put theirs through a lot of abuse and the look great. Also, extension cords, charging dock, carryon luggage pice, good fan ( even with A/C dorms get stuffy, and then theres the hot weeks in April and october when the AC isn't on .) nice mattress topper, and gift card for store near college/apartment where they'll be living. There's always something to buy. ( Twice my son forgot to pack towels for resident hall living!!)
ReplyDeleteMy sisters still send birthday gifts to my kids up through college graduation - $20 means they can get a special treat and think kindly of their aunts.
Don't feel you have to break the bank for a gift - a thoughtful one like a good backpack will last a long time and have the recipient think of you for years. Save some of that cash to send them a surprise gift or take them out to eat during finals ( if at college) or adjustment to the working world.
For Christmas I got her a mattress topper, a portable fan, and fairy lights based on recommendations from my (college) freshman seminar people!
DeleteSo, I have contemplated about birthday cards through college graduation, but I think it would be weird if some of them didn't go to college...I'll have to think about it.
I think a backpack is a great idea! If you really want to do more, you could go with mbmom's suggestion of adding a charging dock or something to it. I don't think I got anything for my niblings, now that I think about it. Well, 2/4 who are grown didn't graduate, maybe that's why, and it was the two oldest. And then one of them was pregnant at graduation so her grad party was a baby shower, and I got baby stuff for her. Oh, and now that I think of it, did the last one graduate? He has developmental delays and I can't think if he actually graduated or not. Well, here I am, giving no advice at all. Go for the backpack!
ReplyDeleteWow! Nicole, your niblings sound complicated. I'm sort of hoping might aren't complicated!
DeleteAre those the actual LED candles you have?? Inquiring minds want to know. I assume since you linked to them they are and you'd recommend.
ReplyDeleteFor graduation we always give money. Speaking of which...one of my nieces just graduated high school which means it's time to transfer some money her way.
They are not the ones I have actually because the ones I have are from Amazon and I'm trying SUPER HARD not to support them anymore.
DeleteI know money is appreciated, I really do. It just hurts my heart to just hand over a check. It feels cold and impersonal to me, which is why I am trying to think of a gender neutral gift to pair with the check.
I love all your standardized gift ideas! For the graduate- I think a really nice backpack is a great idea, I would just make sure they don't already have one. You can't go wrong with cash, or gift cards. Or really, ANYTHING. I doubt they have specific expectations about what you're going to give. I guess I don't have concrete advice because I have no niblings! Well, I do on my husband's side- but they're so much older, I think they had all already graduated from HS by the time we got together.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any niblings on my side of the family, so this is a funny situation where it's really my husband's side, but I'm the one worrying about it.
DeleteCollege students always need money. It's my go-to gift because it's always right and always appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness for registries, right? If the mom-to-be doesn't have one, I usually get things for when a baby gets sick, like a forehead scan thermometer, nasal aspirator, small humidifier, etc.
I sometimes just feel terrible for moms because all the gifts are for the baby and the new mom deserves pampering, too! I feel like baby registries should have stuff for baby and then contribute to a getaway for the new mom, too!
DeleteMy Mr has a handful of nieces and what we did is $200 for graduating and $25 for birthdays - because they always need money and we wanted to be fair across. Now that the nieces have children (mini-nieces and mini-nephews), it gets a little more chaotic with holidays but we try to do a book and a toy for the younger ones and $$ for the older ones (who are more my daughter's age).
ReplyDeleteDid it matter to you if the person was going to college/vocational training or straight into the workforce? I feel like I want to acknowledge them as different paths, but both awesome! But then that supposes the graduates compare gifts? This is a hard one for me.
DeleteWe did the same gift whether or not they were going to college or the workforce so that there would be no comparison or hurt feelings (it's why it was easier to stick with $$). I think being fair across was more our priority, but it does lessen the individual impact - like "we see you and got you THIS", you know?
DeleteI think your standard gift of a backpack or money is perfect for your niece. There is a reason why it's your go-to grad gift.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that I'm keeping from this list is the personalized ornament. That stands out as something unique that the recipient would really enjoy.
I love the personalized ornament for newlyweds. It makes me happy to think they'll put in on their tree every year and celebrate their wedding day!
DeleteI always give money for graduation. I am feeling a bit cheap as we give $100 to my nieces and nephews with the exception of my Godson. I had put money in a savings account for him for years, so I cashed that out and he got a nice, big check. I also give money for birthdays unless I feel confident I can get a book that they will like. I am very boring but gift giving is NOT MY THING. It's dead last on my list of love languages. For weddings, if we know the couple well, we will give them a gift card to a restaurant we know they will like. That was one of my favorite gifts to receive.
ReplyDeleteFor babies, I always give books, but typically picture books for when they are older since you tend to get a ton of board books! And then something from the registry for a baby shower.
Hey, $100 is a good gift! I'd take it. Should I pretend to graduate from something?!?!
DeleteI try REALLY HARD not to gift anything food related, mostly because I don't want anything food related coming back to me. We still have a gift card to a local restaurant that the previous owners of our house left to us when we moved in.
Gift giving is my primary love language. I think we're polar opposites!
Being male, I don’t have to think about such things, or not very much. I do have to think of gifts for Sue, but it only amounts to a few per year, and I seem to manage.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's fair to say that men don't think about gifts!
DeleteI think give more than usual b/c family. A few hundred bucks? Your usual cash gift plus a bunch of gift cards for restaurants and stuff near her new school-- Harry got a bunch of these and LOVED them. Yes, keep the bday checks coming-- young adults love having some fun money to treat themselves with.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, I give more to non-family folks (usually $250 and a backpack) because if I'm invited to their grad party, I'm usually pretty close to them.
DeleteI would lean toward money and/or a gift card to a place that has things that would be useful for college or moving on. A backpack can be tricky -- it's sort of personal -- how it feels when you put it on, color, size. I'd lean toward something small in a box/bag (maybe earrings, something related to an interest she has, a book) along with a check or gift card. And I love your standardized list. Great idea!
ReplyDeleteThe reason I'm not leaning towards jewelry is because I want the gift to be standard and we have male and female niblings. My niece does not wear jewelry or makeup, either, so that makes it harder. I'm not trying to shoot down ideas, but I just really want a gift idea that can be used for EVERYONE.
DeleteI think your standard go-to grad gift is perfectly fine for your niece. And yes, you can probably stop the birthday gifts and just send a card - especially if that is how all the other adults are treated on their birthdays. I like your standard gift guide and I may steal it!
ReplyDeleteI just assumed everyone had standard gifts and I'm shocked to learn that not everyone does!
DeleteWow, you’re generous! My standard graduation gift is $100 for family members, $50 for non-family. And I give the same amount for college graduation that I give for HS.
ReplyDeleteI still give my niblings birthday and Christmas gifts (either $$ or gift cards, we don’t live nearby) though 3 of the 4 are in college. My sisters (we share a dad) give my daughter Christmas gifts, but have stopped birthdays. My brother (we share a mom and were raised together) is very inconsistent. He bought my daughter an Apple laptop when she graduated from HS, so she would have it for college. Last year he put in maybe $600 for a new gaming computer for her Christmas gift. This year he completely blew off both her birthday and my husband’s. Does this bother me? A bit. He would be really hurt if I blew off his wife’s birthday. He’s awkward and weird enough that I once said something about him forgetting birthdays, and he replied, “I don’t forget them…” to which I could have replied, “Oh, so you purposely ignore them?” But I held my tongue because really it’s not worth it. I don’t need him to give computers and expensive gifts all of the time, but a card would be nice.
Anyway, that’s enough laundering of my family stuff for your comment section. I think your gift ideas are perfect. For me, I always buy clothes for baby showers because I love shopping for baby clothes. For weddings, yeah, I just go off of the registry, but I try to buy something unique. Meaning, not a place setting of china, but instead the china coffee pot that they requested. Why? I don’t know.
Wow! Your brother! That's so confusing. What message is he trying to send? I guess my comments section is not the time to psychoanalyze him, but that doesn't mean I won't try.
DeleteThis is sort of shameful, but the reason I hate registries is because if I buy towels or dishes or whatever, the bridge and groom won't remember it came from me. They'll send a thank you note and that will be the end of that. But if I send a thoughtful gift then they'll think of me when they use it. But you know what? They also need towels and dishes, so I do send those when I have to.
This is a fabulous list of go-to presents! You are an awesome gift giver!
ReplyDeleteI think you should do exactly what you suggested for your nibling graduation. A backpack sounds like a wonderful, useful present.
My only nibling is not quite ten, so I have a ways to go before I think about graduation gifts. But again, she's the only one so I feel a little pressure to Go Big, you know? Well. We'll see. Plenty of time to figure it out.
My only go-to gift is fretting about the gift selection for months/years in advance, then panic buying something subpar and then wallowing in shame over what a shit gift giver I am. I need to adopt your list for myself!
Panic buying something! My husband's birthday is a week from today and I haven't ordered any presents for him even though he sent me a list about a week ago. OH NO!! There is going to be panic buying today.
DeleteI think your gift go to guide is pretty solid. I have a helluva lot of nieces and nephews. Like maybe 36 both sides combined. We don't do gifts for everyone's birthdays anymore - started out that way, but gosh there are so many . . . my SIL suggested that we all start to just do godchildren gifts for b-day and Christmas. I thought that made sense. My sisters were upset, so they complained about her suggestion to me (behind her back) to the tune of 'This isn't even her family.' Yeah, fun stuff. So they continue to give my kids giftcards for b-days and I don't, because I follow what I found to be a sensible suggestion. I can't imagine allowing a ticked off mood to influence me to spend more money than is necessary. But whatever. I have 6 godchildren, and Coach has about 4? (two we have in common). We do money for high school and college grad gifts and a small amount for 8th grade graduation. I like to give something off the registry, but I agree - your Christmas ornament idea is really great. I have given a Christmas ornament as a gift to a wedding I wasn't invited to, like a friend's daughter. I like buying baby gifts that are outfits they won't wear right away, because I think it's nice to have something for later. When I had a baby, I often ended up with 20 teeny tiny outfits and my gi-normous babies didn't stay tiny for long. ;)
ReplyDeleteIf someone said I wasn't part of the family re: my inlaws, I would be HEARTBROKEN. I spend so much time and effort on those kids and I don't actually know if they know who is blood-related and who is married into the family. That would cut deep and I'm not sure if I'd be able to recover.
DeleteI am a bitter Betty about kindergarten and eight grade graduations and refuse to acknowledge them. LOL. I'm such a treat.
I love your go-to gift guide! I'll be bookmarking this page. The LED candles are a wonderful idea. I'm terrible at coming up with gift ideas, so I'm always relieved when there's a wish list or a registry. As for niblings, we stopped sending gifts when they stopped sending thank you cards, which was pretty much when they went off to college. No hard feelings at all...but that seemed like a good time to stop.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU. I always say that I will send small treats for college folks throughout their college years (who didn't love a care package in college?) if they send a thank you note for their graduation present. I have yet to get a thank you note, so I don't have to send care packages. I get that some people think thank you notes are old-fashioned, but...
DeleteSpeaking of thank yous, I got the postcard you sent! Thank you! It brightened my day!
DeleteThe backpack idea is brilliant. Useful and stylish. Filing that idea away. I follow the registry for wedding and baby gifts. As for friends' birthdays, I like to give a pretty mug with some coffee or tea— or a fancy stemmed glass with a small bottle of prosecco. Something for the birthday girl to enjoy all by herself.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have a go to idea for occasion presents, isn't it?!
DeleteYour list is solid, and I LOVE your standardized, gender-neutral gift-giving plans for your niblings.
ReplyDelete(And yes to birthday cards and extra cash.)
I guess we'll see about birthday cards. Maybe cash while they're still in school? Ugh. I didn't know this would be the hard part (when they grow up!).
DeleteOh man, I think I'm a terrible aunt - I only have 1 niece and 2 nephews, and they maybe sometimes get birthday card with a $20 bill in it for birthdays. It's tricky because my nephews (who are 8 and 6) live in Amsterdam, so mailing them something is very expensive. Even sending them a $20 seems weird because they don't really have anyway to spend it.
ReplyDeleteIn our family it's always about giving cash, usually in a red envelope. Every time one of my aunts or uncles or my parents come visit, they give the kids a red envelope with cash inside, anywhere from $20-$100. I was actually thinking lately that I might be of an age when i need to start handing out red envelopes when I see my niblings.
I am also of a mind that people should give what they are comfortable giving/ want to give and only the very rudest of rude people will think that it's not enough.
I think it's super hard when there's an international aspect to it. It's easy for me to just drop a card in the mail, you know? If the cost of shipping is going to be same as the cost of the gift, it's hard to justify!
DeleteNo one in his family would say a word if we did nothing more than show up. Gifts are certainly not expected! But...it's my thing. Some gifts were very special to me when I was young and I feel like it's my job to pass that along.
You are a great gift giver! I am not someone who puts all that much thought into gifts, especially for my nephews because they're just happy with cash/gift cards so that's what they get from me. I haven't had to deal with graduation gifts yet but that's coming. I'll probably just do a gift card again, maybe to a place where he can buy things for college if he ends up going to college. IDK. Gift giving is not one of my love languages so I don't really stress out about it!
ReplyDeleteGift giving is so important to me. I just want those kids to know I think about them and want great things for them. I despise giving gifts cards (for reasons) and think it's funny that some of my niblings only know what checks are because of me!
DeleteI think you can't go wrong with cash for graduations and bdays for teens through college years. My niece on my husband's side just graduated from high school and we gave about $100 more than our standard gift.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I just want it to be equal for everybody and if they don't go to college then I don't want them to feel like they are being treated differently. We'll see. I think the expectation is that all of them will go to college, but I want them to know they have other options, too.
DeleteHow about compromising and giving her the backpack with $200 stuffed inside one of the pockets?
ReplyDeleteThe personalized address stamp is a great idea. Just the other day I mailed a birthday card to my mom and was once again grumbling that I had to write out our address.
I believe that the personalized address stamp is the perfect touch to the snail mail I send out. It just makes everything look so fancy!
DeleteI frequently do books and dish towels and baby blankets (and stacking cups because my babies loved them so much). I LOVE the personalized address stamp idea. I don't like just sending money either, but I also agree that if they have a registry that's probably best because there's a reason they have one (but the Christmas ornament, what a wonderful idea)
ReplyDeleteA good backpack is invaluable if she doesn't already have one. My boyfriend's parents gave me a beautiful gold banker's lamp which I still love. I don't think you need to give more than your usual even if you're DINKs - you're not rolling in money and $200 is very generous. We don't send birthday gifts to the niblings anymore, just Christmas gifts (a book and a fun shirt or game or Uber eats gift card for my nephew who's at university).
Books! I rarely give books to adults. It just feels like they either read or they don't read and if they do read, they find their own books. But I guess I could try to find fun books to give out.
DeleteHmmm...I am considering whether or not I will continue with the birthday cards. I have until the end of next January to figure that one out.
My favorite baby gift is the fisher price kick piano. It looks gaudy so people might not buy it, but babies love it and all the songs are a bop.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Well, you do you. I do not give loud presents. I know I would hate it if someone gave something like that to me.
DeleteA particularly meaningful graduation gift I received were some books from family members that they felt meant a lot to them or helped define their transition into adulthood. If you did decide to give cash, this could be a good meaningful gift to balance.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine what a book that helped define my transition into adulthood would be. Do you have specific titles as examples?
DeleteLetter to my Daughter was a sweet gift from my parents. One that was more influential (but definitely more political) was the feminine mistake - it totally shaped my career decisions, but it might not be for everyone
DeleteHa. Well, neither of those would be appropriate for all my niblings. Ha! I really like the idea of a book for a graduation present, but I'm just not sure I have the perfect book. I'll think on (although I'm running out of time since the party is on Saturday!).
DeleteI love this list and will and need to consult this. I hate giving gifts. Mainly because I want it to be super meaningful but I cant come up with ideas. So its a lot of stress for me. Instead of reading blogs I should probably try to find a gift for my sisters ordination next weekend.
ReplyDeleteI can not help you with your dilemma though. I would probably stick to what you have been doing so far with the graduation gifts?! Also I would probably stop with the birthday money. But that is just me. My nephew doesn't get any gifts really. Only my niece as she is my god child. But My sister and I had a discussion and agreed on only giving the god childs gifts and the sibling not.
The brilliance of this list is that I honestly have to make very few decisions! I've already put all the thought into. Christmas gifts are much harder.
DeleteInteresting that you only gift Godchildren. We don't actually give our Godson much more than everyone else. I wonder what that says about us...
You are so much more organized and thoughtful than I, but we knew that. ;) (I only have 2 niblings and yeah, they don't even get $$ regularly anymore. I am terrible with cards, too. I WANT to be better but I fail more than I succeed. Sigh. A goal for the new year?
ReplyDeleteNo better time to start than now! But only if you want to, right? It doesn't have to be everybody's priority.
Delete