Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Officially Drained

Last night I came home, made a phone call, and collapsed into bed, crying.

There is nothing wrong.

There is nothing right.

The high temperature here barely creeps above the zero mark. I don't mind the cold, honestly, but I don't know what to do or say when it is clear the guy in the grocery store parking lot has no place to go. I slipped him my last $5 cash, but I couldn't look him in the eye.

I haven't been alone in my own home for weeks. I am used to alone time. I want to listen to NPR without the gently mockery. I want to watch The Bachelor without the snarky commentary. I love him, I love his smartassness, but sometimes, I want to enjoy my popular culture without having to critique it.

My bookshelf is empty of new books. I have a couple of gift cards from Christmas, but getting to the bookstore in this weather seems like such an effort. Yet, when I arrive home, there is nothing I want more than to curl up and read that book.

The cat I am catsitting meows pitifully each time I walk into the door. I want to do more than check her water, give her food, pet her for twenty seconds, and leave. I want to play with her. I want to sit on the couch and take a nap with her. I don't have time for her.

The last time I got my hair cut was in April. The energy of making the appointment and actually going to the appointment seems like the energy it might take to set off a nuclear warhead.

I am tired. Next week, however, a new quarter begins and my workload will be cut in half. I will then be the happiest girl in the world. And will stop whining, I promise.


  1. If there is nothing wrong, I hope it stays that way. If there is nothing right, I hope it gets better soon! Amazon has free shipping if your order totals more than $25. Or I will happily send you some of my books to read, free of charge! Books are the answer to everything, I'm convinced.

  2. Oh, honey, I know how you feel. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, and then I have a meltdown. A good meltdown really helps.

    And go get a haircut. I know it seems like an unnecessary use of time, but it will make all the difference in the world.

  3. If you want, I will make you au gratin potatoes and breaded chicken and rub your head while you watch ice skating :)

  4. Who can blame you for all that lethargy when clearly, you live in the North Pole?! I hope next week hurries up and gets here to lighten your load. Also: I feel you re: alone time. So, so important. So, so hard to get.

  5. *big hug and pat on the back*

    It'll be ok. when spring comes, when there is sunlight in the evening, there seems to be more time in the day.

    Then going to the book store and hair dresser is easier.

  6. There will always be these times, and they will always pass- for me, usually, right after I've complained about them!

    Little treats always help, too. Massage? Books? A whopping ice cream cone? Maybe too cold for that last one...

  7. Sometimes a good cry is all we need. It's a good way to relieve stress. Books are good too. But books with wine are even better.

    I hope you feel better soon:)

  8. And I thought I was the only one who put off haircuts.


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