Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Officially Drained

Last night I came home, made a phone call, and collapsed into bed, crying.

There is nothing wrong.

There is nothing right.

The high temperature here barely creeps above the zero mark. I don't mind the cold, honestly, but I don't know what to do or say when it is clear the guy in the grocery store parking lot has no place to go. I slipped him my last $5 cash, but I couldn't look him in the eye.

I haven't been alone in my own home for weeks. I am used to alone time. I want to listen to NPR without the gently mockery. I want to watch The Bachelor without the snarky commentary. I love him, I love his smartassness, but sometimes, I want to enjoy my popular culture without having to critique it.

My bookshelf is empty of new books. I have a couple of gift cards from Christmas, but getting to the bookstore in this weather seems like such an effort. Yet, when I arrive home, there is nothing I want more than to curl up and read that book.

The cat I am catsitting meows pitifully each time I walk into the door. I want to do more than check her water, give her food, pet her for twenty seconds, and leave. I want to play with her. I want to sit on the couch and take a nap with her. I don't have time for her.

The last time I got my hair cut was in April. The energy of making the appointment and actually going to the appointment seems like the energy it might take to set off a nuclear warhead.

I am tired. Next week, however, a new quarter begins and my workload will be cut in half. I will then be the happiest girl in the world. And will stop whining, I promise.

8 comments:

  1. If there is nothing wrong, I hope it stays that way. If there is nothing right, I hope it gets better soon! Amazon has free shipping if your order totals more than $25. Or I will happily send you some of my books to read, free of charge! Books are the answer to everything, I'm convinced.

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  2. Oh, honey, I know how you feel. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, and then I have a meltdown. A good meltdown really helps.

    And go get a haircut. I know it seems like an unnecessary use of time, but it will make all the difference in the world.

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  3. If you want, I will make you au gratin potatoes and breaded chicken and rub your head while you watch ice skating :)

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  4. Who can blame you for all that lethargy when clearly, you live in the North Pole?! I hope next week hurries up and gets here to lighten your load. Also: I feel you re: alone time. So, so important. So, so hard to get.

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  5. *big hug and pat on the back*

    It'll be ok. when spring comes, when there is sunlight in the evening, there seems to be more time in the day.

    Then going to the book store and hair dresser is easier.

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  6. There will always be these times, and they will always pass- for me, usually, right after I've complained about them!

    Little treats always help, too. Massage? Books? A whopping ice cream cone? Maybe too cold for that last one...

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  7. Sometimes a good cry is all we need. It's a good way to relieve stress. Books are good too. But books with wine are even better.

    I hope you feel better soon:)

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  8. And I thought I was the only one who put off haircuts.

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