Friday, September 09, 2005

Why No One Should Go To Grad School

It shouldn't take me by surprise. It really shouldn't. Grad school attracts a certain kind of people. Those kinds of people aren't MY kind of people. This is clearly an overgeneralization, but it just fit today.

Being brutally honest, I can say that I am not exactly tactful. I say what I want to say and what I believe. But I care, I care DEEPLY, about other people. My tactlessness might be more painful it if weren't clear that I desperately care about people and what I'm saying is said because I think it will help in the long run. This serves me well in my relationships. It serves well in my domestic violence work. It served well in my internships and real world crappy part-time jobs. It has not served me well in grad school.

Becaue I'm surrounded by equally tactless people, but people who don't care. When you are tactless with your comments and actions, but don't look around to make sure no one was hurt, it's clear that you just don't care about people.

I have cried too many tears over these people. I don't know what I've done to make these people - my coworkers, my peers, my classmates - dislike me, but whatever it is, I clearly can't change it. So from here on out, I can take nothing personally. Because these people just don't know that other people are hurt by their actions. I am not sure if it's personal, but I can't take it as such. Because it's killing me day by day and I can't take it anymore.

It's hard to develop relationships outside of grad school when in grad school. But it's something I need to work on a lot to make sure I don't continue to think I'm a worthless person because everyone I work with thinks so. New friends. New friends. It's not an entire solution, but it's a start.

2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that the start of the year has not been going well. How about a night of commiseration and French Meadow desserts?

    ReplyDelete
  2. right on! F*** those overpriveledged suburban twats! you stand out like a beacon of light and colour and integrity in the swamp of grey....

    ReplyDelete

 
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