Monday, April 25, 2005

Inappropriate things that may have been laughed at by me

Today my umbrella fell behind my desk and I had to get an office mate to help me get it out. Moments of levity about how many PhD candidates it takes to get an umbrella ensued.

Let's discuss things that I may have laughed at that may have been inappropriate.

#1: When I went to that wedding with Biker Boy in Iowa (I-O-WA), BB's neighbor came over to the table where I was eating. This man was very large (like my bestest friend's dad). Just big. And scary cuz I didn't know him. So the woman sitting next to me (BB's brothers fiancee, but that's irrelevant, albeit interesting) introduced me to this large, large, looming man. When this man (Mr. Kline) learns I got to the University of Minnesota, he tells this joke.

HIM: Why did the University of Iowa change from natural grass in their stadium to AstroTurf?
ME: Huh. I didn't know they did that.
HIM: (ignoring me) So the University of Minnesota cheerleaders would stop grazing on the grass.

I laughed. Kind of hard. I don't know why. Yes, it was inappropriate. Inappropriate of him to tell the joke (at a table with Ted's sister-in-law WHO IS MINNESOTAN) and inappropriate of me to laugh. But he was big. And when a big man tells you a joke, you laugh, damn it all.

#2 Sitting in my office. My office mate (coincidentally, the same fellow who helped me with the Umbrella Situation) is leaving for the gym. I tell him to have a good workout.

HIM: Gotta get through the checkpoints first.
ME: HA HA HA HA HA. HEE. HA. (falls out of chair)

See, the U is divided by the Mississippi River. Our building is on the West Bank. The gym is on the East Bank. So, get it? When you have to go from West to East Bank, you gotta go through checkpoints. Like in Palestine/Israel/Gaza Strip? VERY wrong, yes, but VERY funny.

#3 We're at BB's piano teacher's doctoral piano recital. This is a very big deal for this woman. Who happens to be Asian. And wearing a green dress. And has all this music MEMORIZED. It took me three years of marching band before I could remember the fucking national anthem.

Anyway, BB and I decide to play a game. We look around the room and try to figure out who the members of her committee are. We're REALLY big dorks, but this passes the time during a relatively boring recital. Anyway, says something like, "that woman down there, she looks likes my piano teacher. I wonder if they're sisters." HEEEE HEEE. I laugh and laugh.

See, we were a couple of the handful of white people in the room. The rest were Asians. And, yes, they are all very distinctive, but NO THEY ARE NOT. They all have dark hair and dark eyes and all the women are dressed in demure dresses with HIGH heels and all the men were wearing polos and khakis. That was funny. There were no distinguishing characteristics between those folks.

Inappropriate. I am not PC. I am evil. I know. If you show this to any Palestinians or Asians, they will want to shoot me down. I am evil.

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