A couple of years ago, I wrote an appeal for help in my life and I learned about Dove body scrub from Kim and it has been life changing (also, we bought a water softener), so I'm appealing to the blogoverse for more help. As per usual, this starts with rather lighthearted, easy questions and then I will hit you with a tough one at the end, so just beware.
1) As some of you may know, whenever I exercise at home, I burn a candle. My current candle is almost at the end of its life. FEAR NOT. Costco to the rescue. For some crazy low amount of money, I was able to procure a package of 4 11-ounce candles in the following flavors scents: cherry grove & plum; forest moss & cypress; coast redwood & fog; and blue mist & sea. What should my next candle be?!
2) I'm not reading my physical book, so I'm going to DNF it. I hope to have some time over the weekend to read, so what should I read next? The Vegetarian, The Tainted Cup, or After the Eclipse? I bought a copy of The Vegetarian when I thought it was going to win the CBBC vote and I do want to read it. The person who suggested The Tainted Cup to me said it was Sherlock Holmes but FANTASY. I didn't even know I wanted that until it was described to me. After the Eclipse is a wildcard for me. It's a memoir about a daughter whose mother was murdered and the aftermath of that terrible event. I don't know. Tell me what to read.
3) Do you remember how my mom lived on a tiny house on my sister and brother-in-law's property? And that tiny house was next to a tiny house that my brother-in-law's mother lived in? If not, that's okay. Here's a picture of the tiny houses - the photo is from 2025 and I assume they still mostly look like this.
My sister and her MIL did not get along. I wrote this in 2022 and, as of my mother's death in August of 2025, the two of them were still not speaking. I don't know what has happened in the last year because my mom isn't around to give me the hot goss anymore and my sister doesn't talk to me. Listen, I am not someone who goes around talking about my grief and how much I miss my mother, but MAN DO I MISS HER FILLING ME IN ON THE DRAMAZZZZ.
My brother-in-law's mother died this past week. I found out via Facebook.
I'm going to send a sympathy card.
The question is: do I address the sympathy card just to my BIL or do I also include my sister? My sister and I don't really talk to each other and she basically despised her MIL. BUT. If my sister wrote a sympathy card to my husband and didn't mention me, my feelings would be hurt. I'm trying to do a nice thing with this card, not cause hurt feelings or marital strife. However, my sister might interpret me adding her name as being snarky (which - fair - I am a snarky bitch, but I am not usually passive aggressive re: dead and dying relatives) because I know how much she didn't like this woman.
This is really impossible for you to answer, I guess. The dynamics here are impossible to untangle. My husband and I spent a good hour hashing it out over dinner on Thursday night and the card is just sitting on the table because I'm unable to make a decision.
What would you do?
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Non-advice reminder: If you want to send me a photo of your CBBC, please sent it to me before noonish on Sunday so I can include in the week two roundup.
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Sound off and tell me what to do!!
Subject matter expert in communication here: put both names on the card; include polite and direct note inside where you make it clear you are sincerely offering sympathy to your sis.
ReplyDeletePossibly your card and the message can be successfully crafted to commiserate but to avoid offence??
ReplyDeleteTainted Cup!
ReplyDeleteSigh. Family dynamics are so fraught; I empathize.
ReplyDeleteWhen in doubt, take the High Road. Put both names on the card, and if you have one, write a brief memory of yours about the deceased. Even if it's simply "When I visited, she was so kind and welcoming" or "I always took note of the pretty flowers in front of her home" or "I remember hearing her laugh and thinking how genuine it was." Failing all of that, merely writing that loss is always difficult, especially when it's family, and remark at their kindness of having the tiny home(s) on their property for her.
I'm currently reading May We Feed The King, and although I'm only about 50 pages or so in, I am fascinated by this slim little book. I just finished The Dutch House, which I liked pretty well, but Maya made the point that it's almost a retelling of Jane Eyre, and now I can't stop thinking about that.
1. I'd go for forest moss & cypress. It sounds like a fall-ish scent.
ReplyDelete2. I'd read Tainted Cup. Sherlock Holmes and fantasy - who could resist?
3. That is tough. I'd send the sympathy card to both with a sincere sorry for your loss, but no more. Even if she hated her MIL, excluding her from the card would be hurtful.
All that being said, please do whatever is in your heart on all three!
First I am really sad that your sister doesn’t speak to you. The fact that she also “despised” her MIL makes me think she’s not a happy person. Sad. I do think you should write both names on the card and a short sincere note of sympathy.
ReplyDeleteI can't help on the books because I now want to read all of them too.
ReplyDeleteInclude your sister in the card. She will almost certainly have complicated feelings about her MIL's death, and that's hard. Add that to the potential hurt feelings, and I don't think there is a downside.
I'm sorry your relationship with your sister is complex.
I really want to know what ‘coast redwood and fog’ smells like, it sounds like heaven to me.
ReplyDeleteI would read whichever book sounds like the most fun (probably the fantasy book).
I know your relationship with your sister is crappy, but I love that she and her husband had these tiny homes built for their mothers. I wonder what they will do with them now? AirBnB? Leave them empty? I agree with everyone else, include your sister in your card and hope for the best. I think about you and your mom every so often…from my experience, it will never be easy to not have her here, but it will be easier at least. Hang in there. SAD to not have the gossip anymore. Oh, BTW, my husband’s SIL died a bit ago, and we found out via Facebook as well, since he and his brother don’t talk. His brother didn’t call to let him know, and my husband didn’t call to give his condolences (or send a card, or anything at all). It’s really sad.