I have a very sporadic series in which I ask you what to do. I'm coming at you with the most important questions of the day. (I wish there was a sarcasm font. I think you all know that I'm doing this in lieu of gnashing my teeth about the news, right?)
Okay, so Dr. BB has once again been diagnosed with rhabdo. What caused it this time? Well, it certainly wasn't his level of exertion doing bicep curls with ten pound weights. *sigh* He had been doing very little exercise since the last rhabdo round, but he was starting verrrry slowly and this bullshit happened. Anyway, his CK numbers weren't as outrageous as they were last time, so they gave him an IV and sent him home.
So there brings up a level of difficulty with us planning dates. One of my yearly goals was to go on a date every month. It appears as if we can't do anything strenuous so my ideas of regular bike rides in nicer weather or lovely winter hikes in the snow are not really feasible. Dinner and a movie is out because food is hard and movies put me to sleep.
Here are some tentative ideas.
1) Concert - I have been keeping my eyes open for an artist to come nearby that we might both like to see.
2) Museum outing - Look, my husband is sort of a pill about things like museums, but I like them a lot. Maybe we could find one that would work for both of us?
3) Take a class together - Like...maybe we take an art class or something we've never done before?
4) Shopping outing - Give each other a budget (say $20-$30) and go to a bookstore/dollar store and buy the other person a gift.
5) Organize a game night at our house - We've done this in the past, but we've had people over less and less as Hannah has gotten more and more reactive, but surely we can invite some of her safe people over for games.
6) Couples yoga - I keep joking that we should do this, but I think it could be fun to find a video or something for this. Is it too physically demanding, though?
I don't know. I feel like a lot of ideas I see out there are food related (food festivals, picnics, etc.), involve physical activity (bowling, axe throwing, hiking), or support things I don't want to support (zoos, aquariums).
Do you have any ideas for us?
Sorry about the health issue.
ReplyDeleteHow about ordering a dinner in and having a movie night for an easy peasy date?
We can't order dinner in. It's not a possibility. That would just be us cooking and me falling asleep like any average day.
DeleteYou could make a scavenger hunt along with a shopping outing, or a museum outing. Is there a type of museum your husband enjoys?
ReplyDeleteIf there's a museum my husband likes, I haven't been to it with him. Oh, well. Maybe we'll go to one anyway and we'll do a scavenger hunt or something and it will be tolerable for him.
DeleteOh Engie. I am sorry that he's been diagnosed with that again and that you are going through that. But I know you want concrete thoughts here, so let me give it a try. I know food is hard for you two - and so much in our society is centred around that! But an art class or a paint night might be really fun. I am the least artistic person around but my friend Sandi has gotten me to go to that - and a tiled lamp-making thing - and even I can do it, so that is saying something. Plus those classes are quite fun.
ReplyDeleteI think it was 2024 when Rob and I realized that with the kids and life and everything we had kind of put our relationship on the back burner. It just sort of happened. But now kids are grown, he's retired, etc., so we put aside an hour a week for cocktail hour. I know you don't drink, but what about fun mocktails or hell, even soda. The rule is no phones, no books, no TV. Just some music and then we have our cocktails and talk. We don't go out much so this does feel like a date. I kind of think you can make almost anything into a date (gentle short walk to a park or something on a nice day?) I don't know, I'll give this some more thought.
I am so jealous of your scarf making outing, Nicole. I am going to dig around and see if there's any textile-based classes around here we could do. That would be fun for me, at the very least!
DeleteFirst of all- your poor husband! This sucks!!! It sounds like he's going to be okay but sheesh- I'm sure he doesn't want to keep dealing with this.
ReplyDeleteThis is tricky!!! I like the museum idea or taking a class- but of course it would have to be something you'd both agree on which could make t hard. I also like the shopping outing, but I think that's just because I caught the word "bookstore" in there. Huh- everything else I'm thinking of involves food or physical activity. I can see why this is challenging for you!
Not sure if this sounds appealing, but could you cook a nice dinner together at home and then try to watch something? At least if you fall asleep, you'd be on your own couch.
But cooking dinner and falling asleep while the tv is on is like EVERY DAY. It's not really a date. *sigh* I'll figure something out!
DeleteOk, 2026 is not panning out, is it?
ReplyDeleteFrom your list I'd say that museums are probably going to be scant since he's not into them, and yoga sounds like it could get dicey. Everything else sounds great. I like Nicole's idea of the home date, since that was Hubs's and my go-to back in the Exhaustion Years, and it's still the most likely activity for us.
Yeah, the idea is for us to LEAVE THE HOUSE. We are together in this house ALL THE DAMN TIME. I'm feeling quite frustrated with my life right now. LOL. No, not really LOL. Sob? Ugh. 2026 has not be the respite I was hoping for.
DeleteMy parents enjoy going to see concerts at a somewhat local-to-them university. I know that you both work at a university, so that might be out. But offering it up, in case it is of interest.
ReplyDeleteAre there botanical gardens to visit in the warmer months? Not sure if a verrrrry leisurely stroll is workable.
Audiobook and a drive to somewhere scenic?
Are there any quirky independent stores that host events? I know of a game shop (board, not video) that hosts game nights. Oh and I recently went to an author talk at a small indie shop.
Perhaps pairing an out home mocktail evening with question cards (e.g. the ones from Esther Perel) or the 36 questions many bloggers use.
Comedy show?
I hope you find something that is fun and connecting! 🫶🏼
-Steph
Yes! I think I'm going to look up the concert and musical schedule at the university where we work. Surely something will suit us.
DeleteI think a lot of this would mean we have to go to a nearby city (comedy show, botanical gardens, actual physical stores), which isn't a bad idea. Maybe we could get a hotel room overnight.
I am so sorry, Engie. Didn't he get the memo you needed a peaceful, healthy, calm start to 2026??!!
ReplyDeleteOur go-to is at-home date nights. I love these so very much and look forward to them every single week. We watch a documentary and make a meal that we eat without the kids!
What about going through the 36 Questions over a nice dinner at home? https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
I'll admit I don't really know what Dr. BB enjoys doing so it's tricky to come up with suggestions!
- A service project of some sort together live volunteering at an animal shelter or shopping for/dropping off toiletries for a local women's shelter?
- Puzzle night? Pick a puzzle of something that interests you both and put on a nice playlist and make some delicious tea?
- Take a photo walk together where you walk looking for specific things like... cool doors, specific colour/shape, shadows. A bit like your hunt for "hats" in books!
- If you go to a museum each look for something you love, you hate, and you don't understand? So he is encouraged to be a bit of a pill and so are you!!
I'm not enjoying all these "stay home" ideas. LOL. I want to leave the house. I want HIM to leave the house.
DeleteI do like the idea of a scavenger hunt, though. I could do one for a museum and one for a stroll around the neighborhood/county park
So many good suggestions here so far. I'm not sure I could add any. Maybe take the ones you like, put them on slips of paper in a jar, and draw one out each Wednesday (so you have time to prepare)?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that Dr. BB has had an unexpected bout of rhabdo. I feel like this winter is just piling on at this point. Hang in there, friend. Keep us posted.
At least I know this will pass someday, right? He can't have rhabdo forever!
DeleteEngie. This sucks. I am so sorry - you (and your husband) are not having an ideal January.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I really want to try is an escape room. I think it would be such a fun date night for two nerdy puzzle loving people such as myself and my husband. Not sure if that would be a good fit for you, or if you have an escape room readily available but I am putting it out there.
Oh!!! If that kind of puzzle appeals to you at all, another idea is to get one of those at-home escape room kits. We like the Exit games because they come in a variety of difficulty levels. Fun and different and requires working together.
I love the concert idea, and what about a play? Does your university have a theater? College productions are suprisingly fun - honestly, so are high school ones.
One of our favorite things to do on a date is to go to the bookstore. We wander together and hand each other books to consider. it is extremely rare that we buy anything - we just discuss books and what we like and which books we are thinking about or have heard about. So fun.
I hope Dr. BB recovers from this bout of rhabdo quickly. Sending you both lots of love.
(This is Suzanne.)
We did an escape room with my husband's sister and her family over the summer. He is VERY GOOD AT THEM. Can you do an escape room with two people? But having an escape room kit at home is also a fun idea, although ideally I'd like to leave the house.
DeleteI am sorry about the repeated rhabdo... This may be specific to my Mr and me, but we love a road trip date. It's less fancy and boxed in than a museum, but we'll pick a landmark or a view or a thing and then just drive and chat and have a playlist on... When we get there, we stretch our legs, look at the thing, and then drive back. It gets us out of the house together, allows us to bring our own food, and we still feel like we're doing something even if it is just a drive.
ReplyDeleteMan, I am realizing that maybe *I'm* the problem. I really get bitchy if I'm in the car more than 30 minutes. I can't imagine driving a distance *for a view* and then driving back. LOLOLOL. Hi, it's me, I'm the problem.
DeleteOr, we really are that lame, which is totally more of a possibility, haha!
DeletePoor Dr. BB. That is rough. It seems like he should see some sort of specialist to find out why this is happening with such little physical activity. Poor guy!
ReplyDeleteI like the bookstore date idea! I also like a small game night with people that Hannah is cool with. I love game nights and would heartily RSVP yes to one! I also like the concert idea!
Game nights have been very popular when we host them! I'll bring it up to him and see what he says.
DeleteLove the idea above to put ideas in a hat and draw them-- we did this on Fridays when the kids were little to choose our activity of the day, and it was a big hit. Paint night, board game night at a board game store (there are at least 2 in Madison), Dane County farmers market starting in April, Olbrich gardens in Madison, small road trip to a cozy VRBO with a hot tub (that's dog friendly obvs), making a craft at Board and Brush, volunteering at an animal rescue or food pantry or a place like Luke's Closet, lecture on campus in a totally random department, community theater performances, comedy club, candle making, bar trivia but just have a mocktail or soda
ReplyDeleteI am never ever going to the Farmers Market around the Capitol again. It is SO CROWDED and insane. But there are some fun ideas there if we troop to Madison or Milwaukee.
DeleteI had big hopes of taking a kimchi making class with my husband this year, but it sold out within hours of being posted, so we are going to an art evening at the museum instead - there's a craft and alcohol. I don't drink alcohol, but I figure if I have to pay for other people to drink so that a museum will do a fun activity, I'm okay with that.
ReplyDeleteThere is a place near us that does woodworking classes and I think I might look into that too.
Okay, I love Suzanne's idea of a high school musical. Those are always great, and you always run into someone you know in the audience or onstage.
Or maybe a challenge - like visit all the playgrounds in your county, or all the libraries in your county, or something like that? Or take a walk where you find all the letters of the alphabet in various signage?
Oh ugh - I hope Mr. BB is feeling better. Is this a no strenuous exercise "forever" or "for now"?
Oh, this is Diane, btw!
DeleteWe've done dinner dates in an evening at various museums here, in QC. We've also done a tourist bus tour of the city just to see what it was like in a double decker bus. We had lunch with the seal at the aquarium one year, and done various tasting menus at a number of restaurants. We took cooking classes at The Bay but they no longer exist here.
DeleteI hope you find something here mention in the comments you can both do.
I should keep an eye out on the schedule for things at our local museum. I usually do them by myself, but I could make him come with me. Ha!
DeleteWhere does one do woodworking class? Like what type of establishment offers that? I think we'd both be on board with that.
I like the game night idea. I bet that would be fun. He does eat, but eating out is tough - what about trying a new dinner recipe and cooking together and would you stay awake for a comedian? That diagnosis is rough. Good luck. Oh, also, Coach and I have a small window when the girls are at therapy Fridays after school till 6:40 and we like to go get a drink. It doesn't have to be alcohol. Not in this weather, but we also like to go for a walk, not a strenuous hike, but a stroll - talking and laughing and regrouping.
ReplyDeleteBecause we cook dinner together every night, there is nothing about that that screams "Special Date Night" to me. LOL. I'd *probably* stay away for a comedian if we went somewhere to watch one, but absolutely not if we stay home.
DeleteWhat about going to one of those paint your pottery pieces, where you paint an item of pottery you purchase; they fire it in the kiln for you and you go back to pick it up later?
ReplyDeleteI'll ask him. I'm not sure he'd like it, but we could try. I did that with Anne (My Commonplace Book) a couple of times and it is fun to see what comes out of the kiln.
DeleteI always love an afternoon walking around a nice neighborhood of shops and poking around bookstores. In nice weather, maybe a picnic somewhere without a lot of walking? Lots of good ideas here…I liked Elisabeth’s museum idea, find something you like, something you hate, something you don’t understand. Very cute.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I guess a picnic would be okay. *sigh* I think I'm too grumpy to be thinking of ideas right now. I'm just thinking it's more food I have to prepare, there are bugs, gotta remember the sunscreen. LOL. I'm clearly not in a place for this right now.
DeleteOh gosh, how scary that Dr. BB got Rhabdo again. Date ideas? People have come up with so many great ideas already. How about a couples massage? Pedicures? Something where pampering is happening? Or do an at-home spa date. Get temporary tattoos, learn something off-beat like magic tricks or how to tie various knots. Ooooh - hem pants together! (I'm kidding.)
ReplyDeleteHEM PANTS!! YES!! You know what? It would be fun for each of us to teach the other something. I could teach him how to thread my sewing machine and he could teach me Go or something like that. That's fun.
DeleteDamn, rhabdo again? How the heck does that happen? Why does he keep getting it without really "doing much". I am so sorry :(
ReplyDeleteI will take inspiration from your post and the suggestions in the comments though, as we're also trying to do monthly date nights (and I know that it might be hard to get Jon excited about some of the things I would like to do).
I think an art class might be a nice idea. I also like the idea of a date at a bookstore! There is so much to see (and talk about!) and bonus, many bookstores have little cafés (maybe you can get some tea?) I'll try to think of more ideas. Do you have a local farmers market you could go to?
Or, something like "Second Saturday" (in our city the second Saturday, stores are open at night and people are encouraged to walk around and mingle).
I don't know what's causing the rhabdo. Right now it's "idiopathic," which is frustrating. We're hoping follow up tests will help us with a path forward because right now the path seems to be "he can't do anything."
DeleteWish I had an idea...my wife and I were work colleagues for about 22 years...she was even my boss at one point...all successfully, so I think perhaps we won the whole date night thing? lol
ReplyDeleteWell, my husband and I are also colleagues, so we spend a lot of time together. That's why it's important we do new and different things!
DeleteCan I just say, what a lot of helpful and imaginative suggestions in the comments. Our date nights always involve eating and we also like hiking, but maybe we could break out and try something new.
ReplyDeleteYeah, a lot of dates are food focused. I'm envious of people who can eat out!
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear the Rhabdo is back... It sounds like Dr. BB is going to be ok. I love all your date ideas--one of them is bound to be a hit! If A and I get time to squeeze a walk to Sparty (the same walk you and I went on!) or hop in the tub for 30 mins, we call it a date... lol
ReplyDeleteI think he can probably do low-key walks, just not hikes with a lot of elevation or tough terrain. I'll have to think about what good walk routes might be.
DeleteI enjoyed reading all the responses. I like playing tourist for a day - may it be road trip, a local museum, botanical garden or other sight.
ReplyDeleteI get it. I'll have to really check into the nearby cities to see what we haven't done yet.
Delete"Food is hard" pretty much kills most of my ideas, but if you're open to a daylong outing (and haven't yet done these), how about House on the Rock or Taliesin? Or, if you're looking for culture (I say this tongue in cheek), The National Mustard Museum or the National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum? I haven't been to that last one yet, but it's on my list. Or just take a stroll through the Milwaukee Public Market. The Winter Carnival at the UW Union is fun, too. I'm sure I'll think of half a dozen more as soon as I hit Publish...
ReplyDeleteMy husband would HATE HotR. It was a bit surreal for even me, to be honest. I don't know if he'd be into Taliesin, but that's a good shoutout. I'll ask him. I don't know what the Winter Carnival is, so I'll look into that.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about Dr. BB and his rhabdo. That's really sucky! I think you already have so many great ideas here. I'm always about a bookstore date. I've done that MANY times. If the date doesn't pan out, at least I got some books out of the deal, ha.
ReplyDelete