Just Another Zelda Photo

Working from home has its definite perks. I get to take pictures of my kitty when she's being exceptionally cute. I manage to actually be home when the UPS guy drops off packages.  I can spend an hour and a half every morning working out without having to explain to my boss why it's imperative that working out is done at exactly this time every single day.  I can watch old episodes of the $20,000 Pyramid with Dick Clark while I eat my lunch. I can take a break and play Word Bubbles for 15 minutes and not have to worry about minimizing my screen when someone walks by. I can make emergency dentist appointments in the middle of the day without having to worry about rescheduling meetings and whatever else people with real jobs do all day.

But it's also very isolating. I talk to Zelda and she has actually taken to talking back to me in cute little mews and less cute meow screams.  I am rarely motivated to actually get much work done before 11 am, so my workday is significantly shorter than it should be in reality.  When I have questions about my work, I am forced to rely on abbreviated emails and texts when I should have face to face conversations.  Also, the pay is fairly crappy, but I don't have to spend money and time driving about and I'm employed and I'm grateful, but I just wish it were more.

Frankly, though, if I'm being honest, I really love being able to watch Dick Clark every day.

Pale Skin, Woes of Multivitamins, and a Plea to Coca-Cola

Dear Makeup Manufacturers,

Here's the deal.  I have naturally very pale skin and I wear a lot of sunscreen.  Additionally, it is currently 12 degrees Fahrenheit (feels like 0!) here in good old Wisconsin right now and that is the warmest it has been in five days.  So, what I'm saying is that it's cold and I'm not doing a lot of outdoor activities right now.

So what I am asking you for is are shades of foundation, BB creams, and concealers that are lighter than your current options for those of us pale folks up in the north.  We could call them Albino Awesomeness or Esme's Excitement.  I promise you would make money because I would still have to get your current lightest shades, too, for when I actually do leave the house for longer than twenty seconds at a time.

Yours In Vampire Hued Skin,



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Dear Vitamin Companies,

This isn't about me, really. It's about my dear husband.  So, you know he's got issues, right?  Specifically, he has issues swallowing your damn ginormous pills.  They get caught, you know, in his esophagus, and cause him incredible discomfort. This dysphagia was confirmed when my poor husband did a barium swallow and they kept making him swallow pills that were ever increasing in size when the very first pill they put down there made him choke. 

You have provided us with some options, of course. It seems there are new mini-pills.  We actually purchased these and the are still a bit too big (ha ha! way too big).  There are chewables and we would love to get those chewables! But there are two big obstacles in our way.  One, not all of the chewables offered are gluten free (for shame, vitamin manufacturers) and the ones that are gluten free do not have the essential component of copper. See, this is another thing we are worried about.  The dear man has had two blood tests in a row come back as low in copper.  We have started increasing the amount of copper in our diets with broccoli and almonds and roasted squash seeds, but there's only so much we can do in diet. In reality, we need a multivitamin with copper.

So our last, and least desirable option, is what we're going with these days.  He gets a liquid gel tab multivitamin, pokes a hole in it, squeezes out the liquid, and drinks it.  It is absolutely disgusting for him to do this, but we see no other solution.  It is essential that he take a daily multivitamin because his body is not absorbing nutrients in our foods and there's lots of research out there that says people with Celiac's are in danger of malnourishment and other fun diseases associated with vitamin and mineral deficiencies, so we'd like to cut that off at the pass.

So, how about you offer a chewable gluten free multivitamin that includes 100% of the RDA of copper? Is that too much too ask?

Yours in Multivitamin Dependence,


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Dear Coca-Cola,
Look, I know we ask a lot out of you. We talk smack about how carbonated beverages* are making us fat, ruining our teeth, and sending chemicals surging through our bodies.  I don't necessarily disagree with any of that, but I love Diet Cherry Coke. I love it so much. I drink one can of DCC every day, usually with lunch or dinner.  My obsession is large.

But, see, there is something I would love more than Diet Cherry Coke. I would love Diet Caffeine Free Cherry Coke. Sometimes I worry about my caffeine levels and I really, really, really would love it if you would just take the caffeine out so I would feel no guilt over my carbonated beverage consumption.

*I would normally say "pop," but I understand that other people in this country call it "soda" or "soda pop" or "Coke" or some other variant. I want it to be clear that I am referring to your products in general.

Yours in Carbonated Beverage Solidarity,

Glass Houses

It's hard to see inside someone's life.   My sister-in-law made some comment about the stress free nature of our life over the holidays and I chuckled to myself. Yes, I guess it might look like that from the outside.  We have a each other, no children,  more than enough money to support our lifestyle, and a cute cat.  But we also have chronic illness, worries about job security, and the ever ticking biological clock that we may or may not want to deal with at some point.

She is cute, right? It's not my imagination?

You just can't tell about other people.  Sometimes I wish I could see past the Facebook updates, the vague blog posts that could be about anything, and the oh so limited 140 character Twitter snarks. Texting, talking on the phone, social media, and everything else that supposedly makes us more interconnected than ever does not replace the physical interactions - looking someone in the eyes to see how upset they really are, the knuckle punch of celebration when someone does something amazing, or the hug that really matters at just that right moment.

It's weird living so far away from all my friends.  It's hard to know how much contact is enough to let them know that they are important to me, so very important, but not too much to be creepy and off putting.  It's hard to read tone in email and text.  It's hard to convey earnestness.  It is a weird modern day challenge and I don't have any answers.

And it's hard when you see someone after such a long time. I visited with a friend I haven't seen since my wedding over the weekend and it was lovely, but weird. There was so much to say - illnesses, deaths, jobs, lots of life changing events - that just didn't get said unless we were face to face with one another. 

Do you keep up with long-distance friendships?  How?  What do you do to make it not weird?  How often is enough?  How often is too much? How important is it to you?

The Lone Star State

For the last four days, I've been below the Mason-Dixon line, which is kind of weird for me.

I enjoyed these selection of hilariously oversized guitars on the luggage carousel at the airport, but when  I sent a picture to my husband, he referred to it as "hippie bullshit."

Beautiful buildings, hilly streets, and strange racists monuments.

Stars everywhere.  It's so weird here.

My Top Ten Books of 2012

These are my favorite books that I read this year. Many of them did not come out in 2012, but I read them in 2012.

1.  The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman  Alexie and illustrated by Ellen Forney (2009) - Everything about this book is smart - the illustrations and the text. A great read for teens and adults alike. 

2. Among Others by Jo Walton (2012) - This book is probably a little too inside baseball for a lot of readers, but I appreciated the reverence with which Walton referred back to the greats of fantasy and science fiction in this ode to discovering the literature that will save you and immerse you in fantastical settings and new best friends.  Also, the dreamy, lyrical quality of Walton's prose is beautiful to behold.

3.  The Dairy Queen by Catherine Gilbert Murdock (2007) - I wanted to find contemporary young adult books with strong female leads and Murdock really came through with me in this book and the sequel The Off Season.  Also, the Kristin Cashore novels Graceling and Fire were also noteworthy in this category.

4. The Leftovers by Tom Perotta (2011) - Thought provoking and well paced.

5. The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (2009) - Kvothe's world of magic, school, and obstacles is so well realized that you'll forgive Rothfuss for the 650 pages you have to heft around.

6.  Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (2012) - I can't even describe this book to you because it defies description and genre placement.  I don't envy the librarians deciding where to shelve it - fantasy, science fiction, dystopian, even the distinction between young adult and adult is somehow blurry here - but I do envy anyone who hasn't read it yet and gets to read it for the first time.

7. The Running Dream by Wendelin Van Draanen (2012) - I thought this book was going to be preachy and self-indulgent (premise: girl loses leg in an accident and thinks her life is over), but it was authentic and honest and brilliant.  Jessica is perfectly written. And the aunt in me that has a niece with cerebral palsy loves Rosa even more than Jessica.

8. Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card (1986) - The Ender Wiggins series is not new to anyone on this planet but me, but I adored this book.

9. Split by Swati Avasthi (2010) - A great look at domestic violence from the perspective of two young men fleeing from an abusive past.  It's nuanced and so raw it hurts at times.

10.  Wonder by R.J. Palacio (2012) - This has similar themes to The Running Dream (teen dealing with a physical disability), but is beautiful.  Simply beautiful.

December 2012 Books

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd (library ebook) - My husband very rarely knows what I'm reading.  I read books and I thumbs up or thumbs down them in silence, most of the time on my Kindle, so there's not even a dust jacket he can approve of/take note of/mock.  But he heard about it every damn time I picked up my Kindle and realized that this book was still on it.  "Oh, nooooo...." I would wail, as a grown ass adult woman should, "it's the bee book!!"  I had to finish this book because it's a modern classic and I didn't finish so many books in November, I felt like I had to have some stick-to-it-ness with this one.  Suffice it to say: I would like the hours I spent reading this returned to me.

Crush by Lacey Weatherford (library ebook) - Maybe when I was a teenage girl I would have liked to read about grown ass men falling in love with girls who are of not quite legal age, but as an adult, I find it all kind of icky.  Plus it reminded me of Wake by Lisa McMann and so I figured out the plot super early on.  Also, lots of typos of the two/to/too, there/their variety which made me absolutely crazy.

Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins (library ebook) - Cute. Funny.  (Okay, fine, I can't really leave it like that. It kind of drove me mad that the boyfriend and boy next door were such caricatures, just absolutely surface with no depth at all, but I really loved all the other characters here - Lola, her dads, even the boy next door's evil sister - so I'm going to let all that go and say it was cute and funny.) P.S. Stephanie Perkins, I assume you will be telling Calliope's story next because I want it!!

The Off Season by Catherine Gilbert Murdock (library ebook) - This is the sequel to The Dairy Queen and tells the continuation of D.J.'s story.  I think these books are the best undiscovered jewels in the young adult world and every midwestern teenage girl should be reading these. The development of the character of D.J. is absolutely phenomenal and I hope that someday Murdock gets her dues for the awesomeness of it all.  Plus, it doesn't hurt that these books are set in Nowhere, Wisconsin and regularly references the Packers and Vikings.  Yay for Murdock!!

The Maze Runner by James Dashner (library ebook) - No. No, no, no, no, no. Every plot device I can't stand is in force here.  A simple conversation would clear things up many things for our main character and us as readers. Does that conversation happen? No, of course not.  A kid is told to absolutely, positively not do something so he absolutely, positively does do that because it was never explained to him why he shouldn't do it because he never had that simple conversation with somebody.  There are NO parents because all these kids are orphans and of course they are going to end up saving humanity.  I will have nothing more to do with Dashner ever again.

The Last Apprentice (Revenge of the Witch) by Joseph Delaney (library audiobook read by Christopher Evan Welch) - Right. Same deal here. Kid is told not to do things, so he does them.  Argh.

Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles (library ebook) - Can we all agree that the male protagonist of this story would be dead in real life and that this is a silly book? Okay, then.

Unraveling by Elizabeth Norris (library ebook) -  This was weird. It was ultimately satisfying because I don't think the author used any cheap tricks and made some tough decisions at the end of the novel.  But it was weird, so be forewarned about that.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (library ebook)- This one will make you side-eye your spouse a little bit.  It was definitely a fast read and it did not end up how I thought it would (or should), so it's worth a read. I'm seeing this on a lot of "Best of 2012" lists and it certainly wouldn't be on mine, but you might want to read it to see what the hype is.

Life, on the Line: A Chef's Story of Chasing Greatness, Facing Death, and Redefining the Way We Eat by Grant Achatz and Nick Kokonas (library ebook) - I have a standard response to memoirs which is that I dislike them on principle.  This one came highly recommended and I rolled my eyes through the first half or so.  Also, I found the switching narrators to be a confusing conceit of this memoir.  But then I started to find it riveting and I was unable to put it down and I could see why everyone told me to read it.  Should you read it? I would only recommend this if you're willing to put up with a great deal of bullshit early on.

P.S. Dear Chef Achatz, Grand Rapids is NOT in northern Michigan as you write in this book. It is most definitely in southern Michigan.  Also, Grand Rapids is the second largest city in Michigan - it's not fucking Siberia.  Yours, NGS

The Selection by Kiera Cass (library ebook) - The Bachelor meets The Hunger Games.  I think this is perfectly acceptable young adult fluff.  I read it and enjoyed it. I was a little ticked off that there was absolutely no resolution, but was a set-up for a sequel, but I got over it.  I also enjoyed all the Goodreads kerfuffle over this book. It made for a diverting few minutes of Internet controversy fun.

Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine and the Murder of the President by Candice Miller (library ebook) - You know what? I knew just about nothing about Garfield except that he was killed or about Chester Arthur except that he had great facial hair. I learned a lot, was properly disgusted by the state of medicine in the 1880s, and enjoyed this nonfiction tale.

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin (library ebook) - Okay, this author has some misplaced modifier issues in his writing.  It was distracting to try and figure out what introductory phrases were introducing.  I am NOT a grammarian, but "Out the window by his desk, propped up with an old Stephen King book, were Chabot's other buildings" is about as clear as mud.  Yes, I enjoyed the atmospheric descriptions and Southern "charm" in the book, but the writing was just plain sloppy.

I Am The Messenger by Marcus Zusak (library ebook) - I finished this book weeks ago, but I had to sit on it to think about it.  I think, as my friend Tammy would say, this author takes himself a little too seriously. I loved The Book Thief and will definitely read more Zusak, but the ending of this book was a ham-fisted and unnecessary attempt at a sermon. No need to get preachy on us, Zusak, we understand that you are the omnipotent author. 

But the characters were divine.  The scene at the beginning with the bank robbery was hilarious.  I just wish the last 15 pages were different.