Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Actual Email Exchange

My bestest friend sends this email to me early this morning that someone (oh, how I hate this phrase) that we used to know sent her. I'm not going to include the email, but it is entitled "Names of God" and culminates with these words of wisdom: "Take God`s names and work them deeply into the fabric of your life. Bury God`s names deeply into your heart." Okay, the reason I say we used to know this girl is because she used to be NORMAL. She wouldn't send out an email where God was featured prominently. And she certainly wouldn't send out said email to my bestest friend who has, at best, a somewhat strained working relationship with a deity. So, my bestest friend forwards this email to me with the note, "Heidi sent this to me."

And then this follows. Seriously. One email at a time. Over a few day time span. But, still. We have too much spare time on our hands to be doing this.

Me: What the fuck?

Her: I know. I'm terrified.

Me: How do people live like that?

Her: I tried to figure that out myself. Do you think it's kind of a fad, like hula hoops or anal sex?

Me: And as potentially dangerous as anal sex? I mean, it's only done safely if you take the correct precautions...

Her: Right. And religion is exactly the same. Do you see how that works?

Me: Damn. Lock up your lube and your bibles.

Her: What do you think these priests are doing to one another? It's all a conspiracy.

Me: It's like prison with fun capes and collars.

Her: Fun capes and collars... do you suppose they fly at night?

Me: Right to the moon, Alice.

Her: Why are we so weird?

Me: Because God made us this way. Sheesh. Do I have to explain everything?Remember, take God's names and work them deeply into the fabric of your life (cotton...the fabric of your life).

Her: So I should print out the names and sew them into my shirt?

And I can't imagine that this discussion has been completed just yet. I imagine that one email at a time we will try to deconstruct what happened to Heidi in the three years since we've been around to see her descent into the reaches of the religious right.

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